Artifact Abuse
by Japanese Teeth
Summary: Haruna  misuses her artifact for everything except its intended purpose.    Nothing good can come of this.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Artifact.

The very word itself comes from the Latin _arte_, from _ars_, meaning "Art". It is something valuable, something to be treasured. Something not to be cast away easily.

A magical artifact, even more so. For a thousand years, artifacts have been gifted to those who participate in a Pactio by the spirits of the contract; those who have pledged to protect their Magisters and Magistra. Artifacts are objects of power; the bearers of artifacts are those who shape history.

The powers that artifacts confer on their bearers are a grave responsibility. Wars have been won and lost on account of an artifact. Kingdoms have fallen for the lack of an artifact. It is a gift that ought to be received with utmost respect, care, and veneration.

And then one Haruna Saotome received an artifact. Even the densest, most idiotic spirit of the contract should have been able to see from miles away that this was an extraordinarily terrible idea. One look at her, and you can tell that if she receives any type of power, she'll find a way to misuse it horribly.

But if she didn't, life would be boring, wouldn't it?


	2. Double the Fun

**Double the Fun**

Nodoka and Yue approached the door to their dorm room with caution. Haruna had skipped out on classes today. That only ever happened for two reasons: she was horribly ill, or she had been struck by some form of perverse inspiration. The scary thing was that they knew it was the second reason. That morning, Haruna had practically shoved them out the door. When Yue had questioned her about the wisdom of skipping class, Haruna's only answer had been "This is much more important that actually _learning_! Now get out, I have work to do!" The last time Haruna had pulled this, they had returned to their room to it full of sand, coconuts, fake palm trees, and a kiddie pool.

They drew closer. There didn't appear to be anything oozing out from under the doorway. This was a good sign. There weren't any odd smells either. There was also complete silence. This could be either very good, or very bad. Yue tapped Nodoka on the shoulder. "You know what to do."

Nodoka pulled her artifact out of her backpack, concentrating on Haruna. The dorm was small enough that if she was inside, they would be able to read her thoughts. The words began forming on the page. The two girls looked on, steeling themselves for the inevitable horror. What they got was several solid pages of " YES YES YES YES YES YES YES OH YES YES YES AMAZING YES YES YES I'M AWESOME YES YES YES". It was odd, but far from the worst thing they had seen. The worst thing they had seen from Haruna had involved themselves, a Chichigami golem with several dozen tentacles instead of hands, and a jar of Eva's magic pills which had distressingly random effects.

Yue turned the handle, and the door ominously swung open on its own. Even without the light on, the main living space looked like a tornado had hit it. With Haruna, a tornado was quite a valid explanation. But it was also par for the course. Something else had to be going on.

But now they could hear something. Heavy breathing. Coming from the corner of the room where the bed was placed. Nodoka flicked the light on. As the beds were illuminated, she clamped her hands over her mouth to stifle a gasp. Yue merely let out a sigh and rested her giant forehead in her palm.

Haruna was splayed out naked on the bed with an enormous smile on her face, breathing hard, looking for all the world like she had just finished running a marathon. That was not the odd part; it wasn't exactly uncommon for Haruna to get in one of her moods and spend a little too long indulging herself.

What was odd was that Haruna was partially covered by another, equally naked Haruna, who was currently occupying herself by nuzzling her face against the first Haruna's bare chest. The only discernible difference between the two was that the one doing the nuzzling had a rather prominent "PARU – 01" stamped in bold letters across her shoulders.

"Haruna..." Yue stared blankly at the bed. "Even for you, this seems a little excessive."

Haruna kept staring at the ceiling. "Then you don't know me well enough. That was _amazing_. I can't believe I never thought of this before!"

Yue sighed again. "You never cease to amaze me in how you can find ways to pervert your artifact. To each, his own, I suppose. Make sure you put some clothes on before somebody else walks in on you." She walked over to her desk and began to read.

Nodoka edged over to the bed and tapped the real Haruna on the shoulder. "Um, Paru..." Her voice wavered with a nervous excitement. "I..uh.. I have a favor to ask..." Her voice trailed off.

Haruna finally turned to face her friend, still smiling broadly. "Of course." She lazily reached out and brushed her finger against Nodoka's cheek. "I guarantee you that you won't be disappointed."

* * *

I'm not even sure what inspired me to write this; but I'm quite sure that I haven't even scratched the surface of how Haruna can (mis)use her artifact. And no, not _all_ the stories will feature this uh..._type of content_, but Haruna being Haruna, it'll almost certainly pop up again at some point.


	3. The Replacement, Part 1

**Chapter 2: The Replacement**

Negi sprinted down the sidewalk. He hadn't been this late in months. He glanced at his watch and shuddered. Class was supposed to have started fifteen minutes ago, and he wasn't even halfway there. He had stopped by one of the offices to drop off some paperwork only to run into Takamichi.

"Negi! Come here, I need to talk to you!"

"What is it?"

"Someone's been messing with the school barrier! I need you to go down to Sub-basement 4 room 307 in Library Island and reverse the polarity or the campus could be in danger!"

"What! Really?" He was shocked, the school barrier had all sorts of fail safes, and had never failed as long as he had been at Mahora. Something had to be terribly wrong. He had sprinted off towards Library Island. He was nearly halfway there before he realized that he had no idea what Takamichi was talking about.

He had been to Library Island a few times, but he had no clue where Sub-basement 4 would be. And he had no idea how he was supposed to "reverse the polarity" or how that was supposed to solve the problem. And there was no indication that there actually _was_ a problem.

If the barrier really was in danger of failing, an emergency broadcast would almost certainly have been sent out. He pulled out his cellphone. No messages. He had received notifications for much more benign occurrences; the monorail being out of order, students climbing the World Tree, someone (probably Haruna) slipping age-changing pills into the soda machine in the food court... No way the barrier was failing.

He had no clue what Takamichi had been thinking. The man knew Negi's schedule, that he would be on his way to class. Why the wild goose chase? He gave Takamichi a call. No answer. Made sense, Takamichi had class now too, and usually turned his phone off during that time. What was going on?

Negi finally reached the classroom. He leaned against the door for a moment while he caught his breath. He dreaded to think about what the girls were doing; when you got them all in one place and left them unattended, bad things tended to happen. He took a glance through the window to let himself know what he was going to be dealing with.

To his surprise, they were all sitting quietly, staring toward the front of the room with attention that they rarely even paid him. Maybe one of the other teachers had noticed his absence and had someone cover for him. He looked toward the front of the room. There was indeed someone at the front of the room, lecturing the class.

And that person, against all logic and reason, was himself.

* * *

Whoo cliffhanger. All will be (mostly) explained in the next chapter.


	4. The Replacement, Part 2

**Chapter 3: The Replacement, Part 2**

Negi stared into the classroom. What the heck was going on in there? There was another Negi teaching the class. He looked at the chalkboard and gasped. It was covered with a startling variety of English-language innuendos, double-entendre, and off-color slang. He wasn't even sure himself of what all the words meant. But at the very least, he could tell that they weren't something that schoolgirls should be learning.

He pressed his ear to the door. The voice of the fake Negi sounded remarkably like his own. It was saying something about the construction and proper usage of the phrase "That's what she said". Well, at least it didn't seem to be dangerous.

Negi scratched his head as he tried to think of what to do. Entering the classroom was out of the question; there was definitely something magical going on here, and there were still a few students who were still officially "mundane". He had to get the imposter out of the room somehow. He pulled out his cell phone again.

Inside the classroom, the psuedo-Negi was still going strong. "Ok, class who can give me a sample situation in which to use 'That's what she said'?" About half of the class raised their hands. Real Negi had never gotten that kind of response. "Sakurako?"

"Well, if you're giving someone a back rub, and they say 'Do it harder' then you say 'that's what she said."

"Very good. Now that you seem to have a good grip on that, we'll move on to fortune cookies and the 'in bed' game." The room phone suddenly started buzzing. "Just a moment, please." He held up the phone. "Yes? What? Right now? Okay, I'll be right there." Fake-Negi faced the class again. "I'm afraid something has come up, I'll be right back. Please review what we've gone over until I return."

He walked to the door and stepped into the hallway. The real Negi was nowhere to be seen. He waiting in the storeroom in the back of one of the extra offices, the one he had instructed the fake Negi to meet him in. Or rather, where he had told the fake Negi to meet Takamichi. Even his pseudo-self had fallen for the spiel about the barrier having issues.

Real Negi crouched in the corner of the storeroom, preparing a binding spell. There was a click as the fake stepped into the room.

"_Undecim spiritus aerials, vinculum faeti iimicum captent Sagitta magica, aer Capurae!_" There was a rush of air as bands of magic lashed Negi's doppleganger to the floor. "Well, that was easier than I thought..." There was a distinct magic aura, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He checked the seal. It wasn't his best work, but it would hold until until class was over. He shut the door, locked it, and headed back to his classroom. Good thing nobody ever used that storeroom.

He burst into the class, headed straight for the chalkboard, and began erasing everything he could reach. He shouted over his shoulder at the class.

"Uh, change of plans. We're going back to our regular curriculum." There was a huge sigh from the class. He nearly managed to cram the planned lesson in the remaining class time when the bell cut him off. He yelled over the noise. "Read pages 108-112 for tomorrow, and do the first four exercises!" He waded into the stream of girls and tried to pick out a few of them. "Asuna, Nodoka, Yue, will you come with me, please?" He thought if there was anyone else he needed. "Setsuna, will you come too?"

As he lead the girls to the storeroom he explained what had happened that morning. "...so I locked him in the storeroom. He should still be there. It didn't look like he was dangerous."

Setsuna shrugged. "Well, there are definitely no problems with the school barrier. Me and Mana are usually the first to know when something goes wrong."

Yue just stared straight ahead. "I have an idea of what's going on." She sipped at her juice box.

"Really?"

"Well, I'll have to have a look to make sure, but I have good reason to suspect."

Negi unlocked the door to the storeroom. The clone was still standing there, grinning stupidly. Yue turned to Nodoka.

"You want to check?" The bookworm nodded, and pulled her artifact out of her backpack.

"Excuse me..." She cautiously addressed the the fake, Setsuna standing nearby with her hand on her sword in case something went bad. "Can you tell me your name?"

"I'm Nugi!" He answered enthusiastically.

"Okay..." Nodoka looked at her artifact. "I'm not getting anything. He must be an artificial construct." Yue nodded.

"Just as I thought." She turned to Negi. "You can release the bindings. He isn't dangerous."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Negi motioned for Setsuna to ready herself, and dissolved the bindings. Nugi continued to just stand. Yue and Nodoka carefully moved forward and started peeling off the imposter's jacket.

"Hey, hey!" Asuna broke in. "What are you doing? Don't undress him!"

"Don't worry," Yue tossed the jacket to her as Nodoka started to pull Nugi's shirt off. "It's not like we're testing any of the stuff we learned in class today."

"Oh come on! You can't possibly have a good reason for this!"

"You were right, Yue." Nodoka had pulled the shirt partway over Nugi's head, exposing his back. Yue took one look and groaned. "Damn it, Haruna. I should have known."

The fake's back had large, black, bold letters written across it.

"**NUGI – DX"**

Asuna stared blankly and pointed at the letters.

"What the hell is that?"

"That.." Yue took another sip from her juicebox. "..is Haruna's signature. Whenever she uses her artifact to make a duplicate of someone, she labels them like that. Me and Nodoka first noticed it when she duplicated herself and..." Her voice trailed off as she remembered that she was talking to a ten-year-old boy. "...do her homework faster." Yue's face was slightly flushed, and Nodoka had to wipe a smudge of blood from under her nose.

"Seriously?" Asuna's sighed. "I suppose this shouldn't come as a surprise."

"It really shouldn't." Yue made a sucking noise as she finished draining the juicebox. Nodoka took over the explanation.

"She was acting kind of...odd...this morning. She was giggling all the time, especially on her way to class." She looked pensively at the ceiling. "When you...er..the fake started teaching us all that weird stuff in class, we should have known it was her."

"Okaaay..." Asuna rubber her forehead. "So what do we do with him?" She gestured at Nugi.

"Oh, that." Yue dug around in her backpack, eventually withdrawing a cell phone. She punched a speed dial button and after a few seconds started talking. "Hey Paru. Yeah. I know." Those looking on could hear maniacal laughter coming from the speaker. "Yeah, Negi figured it out and trapped Nugi in a storeroom. Could you dismiss him please?" There were a few seconds of silence. "Come on, Paru, we don't have all day." There was some grumbling from the phone, and Nugi disappeared in a poof of smoke.

"Yue..." Negi spoke up. "Can you tell her something?"

"Sure." She kept talking. "Negi says that if you pull something like this again he'll be forced to take disciplinary action. Yeah. Right. No more replacing teachers, okay. Good." She hung up and turned back to the rest of the group.

"Well?" Asuna tapped her foot impatiently.

"Yeah, it was her fault. The Takahata that Negi ran into was another one of her fakes. She dismissed him already."

"Do you know why she did that?" Negi scratched his head. "I mean, was she trying to get out of something?" They started walking down the hall.

Yue looked back at her teacher and shrugged.

"I have no idea." She smiled slightly. "With Haruna, you can never tell."


	5. Double the Pleasure

**Chapter 4: Double the Pleasure, Triple the Fun**

Yue slogged her way back to the dorm. It had been a long, terrible day. She had gone through three tests, gotten hit in the face by a dodgeball thrown by Ku Fei, and every vending machine in the school seemed to be out of tomato milk.

Worst of all, club activities had gone way overtime; Haruna and Nodoka hadn't been able to make it, so she and Konoka had ended up doing most of the work themselves. Konoka had even called Setsuna over to help, but it turned out that the swordsgirl didn't really have a knack for organizing books. And she still had a crazy amount of homework to do.

She slammed the door behind her, dumped her backpack on the floor, threw her jacked over a chair, and flopped across the couch. Just a little break before she started in on her schoolwork. She closed her eyes for a moment. There was a rustling sound, and some light footsteps. When she opened her eyes again, she found herself staring into Nodoka's eyes.

"Good afternoon, Yue." Her voice seemed more breathy than usual. And her usual bright smile seemed to be more of a smirk.

"Uh...hey, Nodoka."

"How did your day go?"

"It...could have been better." She pushed herself back little, so she was leaning against the arm of the couch. Then swallowed hard as she noticed what Nodoka was wearing: incredibly risque lingerie that somehow managed to be both extraordinarily ornate, and extraordinarily tiny.

"That's too bad." Nodoka took a step onto the couch, leaning closer, her face only a few inches from Yue's. "Is there anything I can do to make it better?"

"I..uh...that...that is..." The cogs in Yue's brain were starting to overheat. She could feel herself beginning to redden. She tried to turn away, but Nodoka placed a hand to her cheek.

"Don't worry, Yue." She slipped her hand under Yue's back and lifted her up slightly. They're faces were even closer together. "Everyone has bad days."

"I...um..." Yue could practically feel steam shooting out of her ears. Nodoka's lips brushed her cheek as the bookworm held her even closer. She could feel Nodoka's hands gently stroking her back.

"...but I can turn this into a good day." Nodoka cooed the words into her friend's ear. Yue could feel her friend sliding her hands under her shirt. The feel of Nodoka's fingers on her back was almost too much. Her head started to spin. _What's happening! This is just like a scene from one of those doujins Haruna is always writing. Haruna! She must have done something... _

Yue could feel her friend's hands starting to fumble with her bra. _What am I going to do!_

"Ah, Yue!" There was a shocked voice from the other side of the room. Standing in the door to the bathroom was another Nodoka. This one looked a bit more subdued, and slightly embarrassed. While she had a bathrobe on, the front was opened enough to show that she was wearing similar underwear to the first Nodoka. She looked much more like Nodoka was supposed to look.

"I'm so sorry, I thought you would be gone later." She sounded much more like the real Nodoka too. The Nodoka on the couch turned to look at the Nodoka in the doorway. Yue groaned as she got a good look at her back.

**NODO – 01**

_Yup, this was Haruna's doing._ She sighed a little. For a second she had almost believed that Nodoka was trying to seduce her. She wasn't sure if she were relieved or a little bit disappointed. Maybe leaning a little more to the disappointed side. She would have to give this matter a lot of thought. If she were falling for Nodoka, serious introspection would be required.

The two Nodokas began to head back for the bed. The real Nodoka twiddled her fingers nervously.

"I'm sorry I didn't give you more warning. I didn't think it would take as long..." Her voice trailed off before she started again. "Do you mind if we...uh..." She towards the bed. Yue started to redden again.

"Uh...no...not at all."

"Are you sure?" The fake Nodoka wrapped her arms around Yue from behind and began to caress the shorter girl's midriff. "Or would you like to join in?"

"SURE!" She immediately clamped her hands over mouth but it was too late. She turned toward the real Nodoka, who was now sitting on the bed. "I mean...I...I..." Then she noticed the smile on Nodoka's face.

"Are you coming, Yue?" Yue began to walk towards the bed.

* * *

Out in the hallway, Haruna cackled as she pressed her ear to the door. Nodoka hadn't _explicitly_ specified that the duplicate attempt to drag Yue into their little tryst, but Haruna had been right; neither one of them was unhappy with the result.

* * *

A few hours later, Yue lay naked and exhausted, embraced from either side by Nodoka and the Nodoka clone. The real Nodoka cuddled softly against her neck, as the duplicate nibbled playfully at her ear. She still had a ton of homework to do, but it had been worth it. Maybe today wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

So, yeah. Haruna screws around with her friends. Also, yuri.

I'm aware that pretty much everyone who reads this is going to go "Well it's obviously a duplicate created by Haruna!" right from the beginning, but I have a reason for writing it this way. Other than the yuri, of course.


	6. Too Shy to Say It

I am aware that this deviates from the actual events of the manga a little bit. Just go with it. ;)

* * *

**Chapter 5: Too Shy To Say It**

Negi sat expectantly in his seat at the makeshift Mahora Amphitheater. That poor girl had been through so much in the past few days. It was practically a miracle that he had managed to drag her back in time without letting her catch on. But if he hadn't...Ako would never have recovered from the shame of missing the performance. Playing at the Mahorafest Concert was a once-in-a-lifetime chance. If she had blown it for the band...

But everything was alright now. She backstage with the cheerleaders, doing a last minute equipment check to be sure that everything went smoothly. Negi heard shuffling coming from the seats to his left, where the library girls were sitting. Haruna had finally arrived, and rather than just having everyone move over a seat, she was climbing over everyone.

As she finally settled into her seat, Yue grumpily addressed her.

"What took you so long?" She rubbed her forehead, which Haruna had elbowed twice as she clamored past.

"Oh, nothing." She started to giggle, but forced her face to hold steady in a grin. "I just had a few things to take care of before the concert."

"Really." Yue knew that there was probably something ruinous in the works, but it was too late to stop it now.

"It's okay." Nodoka smiled at the late arrival. She had gotten off easier than Yue as Haruna had crawled past them. A face-full of Haruna-boobs wasn't as bad as repeated elbows to the head. "We're just glad that you made it. Ako will be really glad that you came to see her perform."

"Huh? Yeah, of course..." Haruna continued her attempts to stifle her giggles.

"Are you alright, Haruna?" Nodoka had a look of concern.

"Don't worry about her." Yue deadpanned. "She's probably just plotting something."

"Shhh!" Negi began gesturing at them. "It's starting."

The lights went down, and the spotlights started trailing across the stage. The announcer's voice roared out of the speakers.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Mahorafest concert! Please welcome our new opening act, Dekopin Rocket!"

There was an enormous cheer as the curtain lifted, revealing the three cheerleaders and Ako, ready to go. Negi shouted encouragement towards the stage, but he was completely drowned out by the crowd. He could see Misa coming forward to take the microphone.

"HELLOOOOOO MAHORA!" The crowd cheered again. "Okay then! Let's go!"

The band started to play. The music was a little bit closer to the end of the "pop" spectrum than they had played at practice, but the crowd was still cheering. As he looked on, Negi realized that he had heard the song before. But where?

He turned to the side to see Haruna still sitting in her seat, curled into a ball, holding her mouth. Maybe she was sick. But Yue was standing right next to her, staring blankly at the stage, and Nodoka was cheering along with everyone else. If something was really wrong with Haruna, they would have said something. He looked back to the stage as Misa began to sing. It was a somewhat lower voice than he expected, but he was too busy trying to remember where he had heard the song before to care.

"We're no strangers to love,

you know the rules, and do I!"

Negi wracked his brain trying to think where he had heard the song. He could hear Haruna's giggle rising above the noise of the crowd.

"A full commitment's what I'm thinking of,

I wouldn't do this for any other guy."

Yue and Nodoka had started to notice Haruna. The cheering was beginning to die down. Negi kept trying to remember. He had heard it before in the past few days...

"I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling,

Gotta make you understand.."

Haruna was practically convulsing with laughter now. It seemed to be taking all her concentration to hold it in. The crowd was almost completely silent. The only thing that could be heard was Misa's singing, and Haruna finally losing control and bursting into laughter as the chorus began.

"Never gonna give you up,

Never gonna let you down,

Never gonna run around and desert you,

Never gonna make you cry,

Never gonna say goodbye,

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!"

Something clicked in Negi's brain. This was the song that Haruna had emailed him when he had asked for soundtrack submissions for class 3-A's haunted house. He turned to Haruna, who had half fallen out of her seat, crying with laughter. Yue rapped her on the head.

"What did you _do?_"

"I'm sorry..." Haruna gasped. "I couldn't resist..." She continued laughing as she climbed back over Yue and Nodoka to the aisle. "I love my artifact!" Negi put his hand to his face. He should have known that the pactio could have waited until after the concert. Yue turned back to Negi before following Haruna to the ext.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure that she fixes this." She rubbed her forehead again. Haruna had elbowed her on the way out.

After a few brief minutes, all the light and sound suddenly cut out. There were a few shouts from the stage, followed by four "poof" noises. The spotlights started scanning the stage again. The announcer blared over the PA system again.

"We apologize for the inconvenience. It seems that some imposters took the band's place as a joke. Please welcome the real Dekopin Rocket to the stage!"

The curtain lifted, and this time the cheers were even louder than before. Negi could see Ako waving nervously in his general direction. He waved back as the band started playing. This time, the cheers continued.

* * *

Okay, I know that Haruna doesn't get her artifact until after the concert, but the idea of Haruna using her artifact to Rickroll Mahorafest was too good to pass up. And yes, while Rickrolls are old and somewhat cliched by this point, keep in mind that _Negima_ is set a couple years back, so it's not as cliched when Haruna pulls it. In fact, _Negima_ might even be set in the days before Rickrolling became popular. Haruna is a visionary.


	7. The Imposter?

**Chapter 6: The Imposter?**

**Part 1**

Class was over for the day. Negi busied himself trying to organize all of his paperwork so that it actually fit in his bag. The stuff seemed to multiply ever day. As he stuffed the last stack into its folder, he looked up to see three of the four Library Club girls waiting patiently by the desk. Haruna was conspicuously absent.

"Can I help you with something?"

"Um..." Nodoka waited a few seconds for the last few girls to make their way out of the room. "We wanted to ask you something about Haruna. We think she might be using her artifact for something bad..."

"What do you mean? She seemed perfectly well-behaved lately."

"That's why we think she's up to something." Yue made a loud slurping noise on her juicebox. "When was the last time that Haruna actually paid any attention in class? She's usually either doodling or bothering me."

Negi thought for a second. When _was_ the last time that Haruna had actually been this well behaved. Telling her to stop talking and pay attention had been practically a daily occurrence ever since he had started teaching. But for the last week or so, she had sat quietly in the back of the room.

Yue started up again.

"I looked over at her papers today, and was taking _notes_. In all the time I've known Haruna, she's never bothered to write down anything; she just steals the notes from me and Nodoka. Something weird is going on."

"But she hasn't actually _done _anything..." Negi looked at his students. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do about it..."

Konoka broke in. "We know that nothing bad has happened yet; that's why we wanted to ask you about it first. We kind of know what she's doing, but we wanted your advice before we actually tested our theory."

"And what is your theory?"

Nodoka answered him. "She's probably using her artifact to make golems of herself so she doesn't actually have to come to class. The duplicate is taking all of her notes and doing all the things she doesn't want to."

"That's also part of the reason we think she's a fake." Yue tossed her juice box into the trash, and extracted another one from her backpack. "She offered to go to the Library Club early to get a head start on alphabetizing the newly acquired books. Haruna hates alphabetizing."

"When it's coming up, she usually says she has to go to the bathroom and just sits in there for an hour or so." Konoka put a finger to her cheek as she glanced at the ceiling. "She claims that it's because of the cafeteria food, but I think she's really j-" Yue elbowed her in the stomach and turned back to Negi.

"Whatever she does in there, the point is that she tries to avoid that kind of work, but today she practically jumped at the opportunity. Either that Haruna is a fake, or she's been stealing magic pills from Evangeline's resort again."

"She stole pills from Eva's resort!" Negi was shocked.

"Oh, right. We just told you that she had the flu..." Nodoka giggled before continuing. "The real reason she missed class is because she was eleven feet tall for a few hours."

"That's not important." Yue paused as she focused on inserting the straw into her new juice box. "Okay then. What we want to do is go back to our room and check if the real Haruna is there."

"Why don't you just check the Haruna over at the library?" Negi asked. "It would be faster."

"Because we don't like alphabetizing either." Konoka grinned. "Might as well let the clone do it."

"If all you're doing is checking back at your room, what do you need me for?"

"Don't you want Haruna to stop stepping out on classes?" Yue pointed at her teacher. "As a teacher, you should do everything in your power to make sure that she attends regularly!" The _real_ reason was that if Negi knew, there was less chance of Haruna doing something horrible to them all in revenge for busting her; now she actually had the means to enact that upside-down whipping fantasy of hers. But if a _teacher _had figured it out...But there was no reason to explain that to Negi.

"You're right." He finished stuffing his papers in his bag and slung it over his shoulder. "Let's get to the bottom of this."

* * *

.

* * *

I'm not entirely sure what Konoka thinks Haruna was really up to in the bathroom, but I'm sure that you can come up with something more outrageous than me.

Next chapter: The confrontation!


	8. The Imposter?, Part 2

**Chapter 7: The Imposter**

**Part 2  
**

Negi, Nodoka, Yue, and Konoka stood outside the door. The real Haruna was almost certainly waiting on the other side. What she was doing was completely unknown. Under normal circumstances, they would have checked the room with Nodoka's artifact, but in the morning rush, the Pactio card had been left on her desk. Yue turned to her teacher.

"Negi, you should probably go wait down the hall."

"Why?"

"The last time we walked in on Haruna after she skipped class, she had cloned herself so she could-" Yue caught herself at the last moment. They last time Yue had entered the room in this type of scenario, she had been greeted by the sight of a naked Haruna, sitting the couch, happily motorboating a clone of herself. It hadn't been an entirely unpleasant sight, but no way in hell was she explaining the concept of "motorboating" to Negi.

"So she could what?" He started at her expectantly.

"So she could..." She spit out the first thing that came to her head. "...play racquetball with herself. We don't want you to get hit by the ball." _There's no way he's going to believe that._ Yue groaned inwardly. Even someone as naive as Negi could tell that you couldn't play racquetball in a dorm room.

"Oh, okay." He headed off down the hallway.

"Alright, I'm opening the door!" Konoka grabbed that handle and gave it a twist. The door flew open, as the girls ducked for cover. There were a few seconds of silence before they worked up the bravery to peer into the room. Surprisingly, the living area looked completely normal. There wasn't even junk food scattered around the table. Unbelievably, the room was completely pristine.

"I...I don't believe it." Yue stepped into the room, wary of any surprises Haruna may have left behind. "It...it's _neat._"

Nodoka walked past her.

"The bathroom's clean too." Out in the hallway, Konoka motioned for Negi to come over.

"Is it safe?" He called down the hallway.

"Yeah. It looks like Haruna's not in the room."

Negi entered the room. Nodoka was sitting on the couch, twirling her pactio card between her fingers. Yue was still searching the room for any sign of Haruna. She was crouched down, scanning the underside of the bed.

"Yue, she's not in here. I used my artifact, she's not in range."

"I don't get it!" Yue folded her arms and slumped in one of the chairs. Konoka and Negi took their seats on the couch.

"Hmmm..." Konoka stared hard at the table. "Maybe the Haruna from class wasn't a fake..."

"That's impossible!" Yue grimaced. "The real Haruna would never act like that! It doesn't make sense."

"You know..." Konoka kept staring. "Maybe she's up to something at the library."

"What do you mean?" Negi leaned over.

"Well, maybe she realized that if she acted weird, we would come over here to investigate," she made her "deep in thought" face. "so she could mess around in the library on her own."

"So we still have to go all the way to the library to figure out what's going on?" Yue sighed. She had no desire to walk that far. "Knowing her she won't even be in the library."

"Just a second..." Nodoka extracted her cell phone from her bag. "I'll try to find out if she's actually in the library." She hit the speed dial button and held it up to her ear. "Hello, Haruna? Yes. Really? I was wondering when the next Library Island Expedition was scheduled for. Right. Can I talk to her? Thanks. Yes, okay. Thank you. How's Haruna doing with the alphabetizing? Really? Even I can't go that fast. Yes, I know. Thank you. Bye."

She turned back to her teacher and fellow classmates.

"She's definitely in the library. I talked to one of the supervisors."

"Ugh." Yue pried herself out of her chair. "I guess we should head over then..."

As the four of them exited the room, a sudden noise began to cause the floor to vibrate. It was a deep, pulsating hum.

"What is that?"

"I don't know, it sounds like it's coming from the main bath."

As they made their way down the hall towards the communal bath room, the pounding began to get louder. By the time they reached the door, the music was at rave-party level. Yue shoved the double doors open and strode into the room. What she saw nearly caused her head to explode.

Aside from the ridiculous trance music, strobe lights, and multicolored disco balls, the first thing she noticed was that the entire room was filled entirely with Harunas. There were two dozen of them, at the very least, wearing just about every variety of swimsuit imaginable. And they all had the numbered label **"PARU – XX" **across their backs.

At one end of the bath, there were a handful of Harunas tossing around a giant beach ball, while at the other end, another group was batting another beach ball back and forth across a volleyball net. Beside the pool, another group of Haruna clones had set up a limbo contest; number 16 had just made it under the "pole", which in reality was a miniature hammock containing a smiling ermine. The remainder of the clones were just dancing. Scattered all around the room were about twenty inflatable palm trees. From the ceiling hung a giant banner reading "PARU-SAMA'S ONE WOMAN POOL PARTY" in giant glowing letters.

"What is this I don't even-" Yue was cut off by a beach ball colliding with her forehead.

"The real Haruna is in here somewhere!" Nodoka had to practically yell into Negi ear before he noticed. She pointed at her artifact, which now bore a stylized image of Haruna wearing a bikini and doing the robot, and a record of her thoughts:

"I throw my hands up in the air sometimes  
Saying ay-oh, gotta let go.  
I wanna celebrate and live my life  
Saying ay-oh, baby let's go.  
Cause we gon rock this club  
We gon' go all night  
We gon' light it up  
Like it's dynamite!"

"Okay!" Negi yelled back at the girls. "You go try to find the real Haruna. I'm going to go ask Chamo if he knows where she is!"

They split up, Negi making a beeline for the limbo contest, while Nodoka made her way into the dancing Harunas checking their backs for the label. Yue and Konoka did a quick round of rock-paper-scissors, which Yue lost. With much reluctance, the short girl stripped to her underwear and jumped into the water.

"Chamo!" Negi was right next the ermine, who despite the insanely loud music, was somehow asleep. "Chamo!" No response. He reached out and gave the hammock a shake. Chamo flailed for a minute before realizing that Negi was trying to talk to him.

"Hey, bro! What's going on?"

"Do you know where the real Haruna is!"

"No, the only food we have is chips and salsa!" Apparently Chamo wasn't too good at reading lips. Not that it mattered, because Negi couldn't hear his response either. But he could see that the ermine was pointing at something, so he headed in that direction, oblivious that he had only received directions to where the food was situated.

Nodoka tried to make her way through the mass of dancing Haruna clones. It wasn't until she was practically in the dead center of the rave that she realized something rather important: she was at the perfect height to get her face smooshed into the Haruna's chests whenever one of them turned at the wrong time. And it seemed like they were starting to close in on her. If she had known anything about rave parties, she would have known that the particular move that she was being involved in was known as a "grind".

Konoka circled the pool, attempting to catch a glimpse of all the Haruna's backs, searching for the one that was blank. The flashing lights were making it nigh impossible to see anything. And the Harunas were moving around too fast. As she rounded the pool, she found herself uncomfortably close to the speaker. The pounding was so loud that she was forced to stick her fingers into her ears. She could still feel the beat pulsing through her body. The flashes were starting to blind her. She lurched dangerously towards the water.

"-THE MUSIC!" The music suddenly cut out and the lights turned back on, leaving Yue's voice as the sole sound. She was half-walking half-swimming towards the edge of the bath, towing one of the Haruna's behind her. This one had no label.

"Dammit, Haruna! You sent a clone to class just so you could do this!" She started to climb out of the pool. "Even for you, that's just—BRBBGRBL!" Nodoka gave her a shove back into the pool. "What was that for!" Nodoka pointed nervously at Yue's chest. Oh right. She had forgotten that she was wearing a white bra and panties today. She ducked into the water with just her head sticking out, before Negi could see her.

"Calm down, Yue." Haruna knelt by the edge of the pool to pat the top of her friend's head. "I just got the idea and _had_ to run with it."

"What was your original plan, then?"

"Nothing too impressive. Send the clone to class and club activities and then sleep all day. Which I did until noon. Then I got hungry, so while I was eating I had the pool party idea, so I a few hours drawing up all the stuff I needed for it. You wouldn't believe how tough it can be to draw a decent stereo system."

"But what would you do if someone saw you!" Negi pointed at her indignantly. "You're supposed to keep your artifact a secret! What would happen if some came in here!" He gestured at the remaining Harunas. The dancers had either joined the volley ball game in the water or the limbo line.

"Oh that? I had a plan. If a mundane walks in on the party, I just do this." She snapped her fingers, and all the Harunas and party paraphernalia exploded into clouds of smoke. "And then I run away while they try to figure out what just happened."

"Ow!" A short distance away, Chamo sat on the floor rubbing his back, not at all happy about his hammock suddenly vanishing.

"But what about that?" Konoka pointed to the one remaining clue to the party: a folding table with a bag of chips and bowl of salsa sitting on it.

"Oh, that?" Haruna shrugged. "I'd leave it. After walking in here and seeing forty of me having a party before bursting into smoke, no mundane is going to care much about that. I guess I should go back to the room and change." She started off down the hallway, leaving Negi and her three friends staring, completely at a loss for what to say.

Konoka finally broke the silence.

"You know, she's probably right about the chips."

Yue bubbled unhappily from the water. "Whatever. Just go get me a towel."

* * *

.

* * *

If I had an artifact like Haruna's, this is totally what I would use it for.


	9. Stuck

**Chapter 8: Stuck**

Haruna wanted to smack herself in the head for her own stupidity, but was unable to. She was normally pretty good at avoiding any and all responsibility for her actions, but this predicament was undeniably her own fault. That fact is what made her want to smack herself. The reason that she was unable to was because she was tied up.

She had been shirking off, as usual. Yue and Nodoka had gone shopping. Haruna had finally gotten the room to herself without having to resort to sending clones of herself or some other Machiavellian scheme. It was too good of an opportunity to waste. So naturally, she had decided to do something kinky with the time. There was no danger of interruption. Not that she minded too much when Yue and Nodoka walked in on her having some "private time" with a clone of Chiu-chan, but now that she had real privacy, she felt the freedom to experiment a little.

Haruna had never really understood the allure of a bondage fetish. But as the self proclaimed QueenLord of Sexyness*, she had no reason not to give it a try. After a few quick minutes on Google searching for simple positions, she was ready to get started. Half an hour later, she was kneeling naked on the coffee table in the center of the apartment, as **PARU – 01** started looping ropes around her.

Before long, she was almost completely immobile. Her arms were tied tightly behind her back, and another rope tethered her neck to her knees, bending her over so that her face pressed against the table. The clone, dressed in an outfit that somehow managed to incorporate an excessive amount of leather while remaining incredibly skimpy, patted Haruna's behind, which was now sticking into the air.

"How is it?" The clone asked. Haruna wiggled a little.

"Well, I suppose it's tight enough; I can't get out."

"Good." The clone gave an evil grin, lifted her arm, and gave Haruna a hard slap on the ass.

"OW!"

"From now on, you will refer to me only as Paru-sama!" The clone withdrew a short whip from somewhere and began lashing Haruna with it. "Understood?"

"Y-yes!" The clone slapped her again, harder.

"What did I tell you to call me!"

"P-Paru-sama!"

It was fifteen minutes later that the problem manifested itself. Haruna was still in the process of deciding whether she liked the constant abuse. She preferred being the one doling out the abuse, but maybe there was something to this whole "masochism" thing...

And then she heard the distinctive "poof". She immediately knew something was horribly wrong. She had gravely miscalculated the length of time that the **PARU-01: DOMINATRIX MODEL** was going to last. The golem had run out of magical energy and poofed out of existence. The ropes, which Haruna had stolen from the Library Exploration Club for some nefarious purpose, did not. And so Haruna arrived in her current position: naked and tied into a perpetual kneel.

She groaned. Her artifact sat on the desk a few feet away. Even if she could reach it there was no way she could draw anything with her hands tied behind her back. She wriggled a bit. No way she was getting out that way. The clone had been too good with knots. She started rocking back and forth. She could probably roll off the table. If she was lucky, she'd land on the couch.

If she was lucky. She couldn't exactly see how close she was to the couch. If it was too far away, she'd probably get a concussion or a dislocated shoulder or something. Getting injured like that would be bad enough without having to attempt to explain how it had happened. Besides, even if she would get off the table, she's still be tied up just as tightly.

She needed someone to untie her. In the corner of her eye, she could just make out the digital clock on Yue's desk. 2:38. Yue and Nodoka hadn't planned to be back until around 6. And if they decided to make any more stops... She groaned again. Her legs and back were already aching, and it would be three hours at the very least before anybody came into the room.

And even then, she would have to endure their ridicule. If she were lucky, maybe this would be one of those occasions where it turned out that they were intrigued. It had happened before.

Maybe she should call for help. But it was a weekend. There was nobody around. And even if they were, there was potential for disaster anyway. If it happened to be Asakura who heard her screaming, photos of this were going to end up in the wrong hands. She sighed, and resigned herself to her fate. She looked at the clock again. 2:44. It was going to be a long afternoon.

Despite Haruna's best efforts, time crawled. She hashed out an outline for her next doujin. Time check: 3:02. She sung as many Deep Purple songs as she could remember the lyrics to. Time check: 3:09**. She brainstormed more interesting uses for her artifact. Time check: 3:38. If she had the space to move her neck, she would have hung her head. This sucked. At least she couldn't feel her legs anymore.

Then she heard a rustle out in the kitchen area. She should have been scared at the prospect of an unknown presence in the room. But instead, it gave her some hope. Because she could hear a familiar humming coming from around the corner.

"Chamo? Is that you?" The rustling came closer. She heard a gasp. He must have rounded the corner. A few seconds later a small white face popped into view.

"Haruna?" He stared at her. "What exactly are you doing."

"I, uh..." She was actually feeling slightly embarrassed. "I made a slight miscalculation. I don't supposed I could get you to untie me?"

"Yeah, that could be a problem." He wiggled his appendages at her. They were kinda stubby. "I could try chewing through them."

"Go for it. You can't make it any worse."

"Okay, can do." He scurried off. His furry paws tickled her back as he gnawed at the rope around her arms.

"Just about got it..." The rope pulled apart, and Haruna stretched her arms.

"Ahhhhhh... So much better."

"Stop moving around." Chamo latched onto her hair to keep from falling off. "I have to get the other one."

The ermine finally chewed through the last strands of rope. Haruna sprang out of her kneeling position, launching Chamo across the room.

"Oh, man..." She splayed herself on the couch. "I thought I'd never get off of there." She turned towards the ermine, who was making his way back across the room. "I guess I owe you one. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Konoka asked me to steal some of Yue's candy bars." He climbed up the edge of the couch and settled on Haruna's lap. Under normal circumstances she would have tossed him off, but she didn't care right now.

By the time she looked at the clock again, it was 5:50. Chamo had gone back to Konoka's room with the chocolate, and Haruna busied herself getting rid of the ropes. Nodoka and Yue would be dumbstruck when they saw that Haruna hadn't been up to anything this time. At least not that they knew of.

They finally returned at half past six. They entered the room with the usual trepidation. A few minutes later, they were all relaxing in the jacuzzi in the bath room. To Haruna's aching limbs, it was like heaven.

"So.." Yue yawned. "What did you do all day?"

"Not much." Haruna lied through her teeth. "Just slept in, did some reading."

"Really."

"Really!" She climbed out of the jacuzzi to adjust the temperature. "Why do you ask?"

"Well," Nodoka pointed at Haruna's backside. "You have a bunch of handprints on your butt..."

"Huh?" Haruna twisted and looked down at herself. Apparently the dominatrix golem slapped harder than she had anticipated.

* * *

*Haruna created the title for herself. I have no idea what a QueenLord is, and neither does Haruna.

**This is because the only Deep Purple song she knows the lyrics to is _Smoke on the Water_. She also attempted to sing the riffs and the guitar solo.

* * *

.

* * *

Okay, for the record, I am not at all into BDSM, so I have no idea if this is a legitimate setup or something. I wasn't about to go look up BDSM positions, so I made something up. If it's inaccurate, well, blame Haruna. She just doesn't know what she's doing.

After writing all of those stories about Haruna trolling everyone it was fun to write a story where her plans backfired.


	10. Sugar Rush, Part 1

**Chapter 9: Sugar Rush**

**Part 1**

Yue and Nodoka followed Haruna up the winding path towards the World Tree. The day before, Haruna had been on one of her internet binges, and through some twist of fate, she had ended up on the Wikipedia page for Maple Syrup. It seemed so innocuous. It was simple pancake topping. But Haruna saw greater potential. Especially when she noted the method of obtaining the stuff.

Stick a spigot into a tree, collect the sap, boil it down; it was such a simple process. And she had the mother of all Trees to try it out on. After a few minutes on Google looking for reference material, Haruna had made a beeline for the World Tree. Before long, she had her two friends helping her bore holes all across the massive trunk to drain the substance out of the tree. Shortly after that, she had drawn up the spigots and buckets she could ever need for something like this.

Hopefully she had collected a good amount of sap since yesterday. And hopefully the World Tree was the type of tree that actually worked for this sort of thing. She hadn't taken the time to check. Oh well. At the very least she could be sure that the bucket-golems she had drawn wouldn't crap out on her overnight. After last week's incident, she was more aware of the time limit than ever. She looked up at the sky. The moon was mostly obscured by clouds, but the gentle glow of the tree provided more than enough light.

She took the rope that she had stolen from the Library Exploration Club* and tossed it over a branch. At the other end of the rope, Yue was reluctantly clipped herself into a stolen harness.

"Why do I have to do this?" She muttered as she clipped on the helmet.

"Because you're the lightest." Haruna chuckled. "Don't worry, I put a giant landing pad under you in case something goes wrong." She pointed at the bright yellow air mattress she had summoned. "And we'll have some additional muscle as well." She held up her artifact. "Come forth!"

There was a bright flash of light, and suddenly Kaede and Mana were standing alongside Haruna and Nodoka.

"See?" Haruna patted the Kaede golem on the shoulder. "Plenty of extra muscle. I even boosted the physical strength a little."

"Um, Haruna?" Nodoka tapped her friend on the shoulder. "Why are they dressed like that?"

"**KAED – 01**" was wearing a black leather bikini that seemed to contain about half as much leather as was actually needed, and "**MANA – 01**" was wearing what could be most charitably described as a sling bikini made out of two large, narrow rubber bands.

"Why _wouldn't_ they be dressed like that?" Haruna tried to look incredulous.

"Maybe because an artifact bearer usually has some sense of decency?" Yue interjected.

"Oh, stop being so negative." Haruna scoffed. "Like you've never used your artifact for your own entertainment. Oh well." She grinned. "Later tonight I'll let you have a free run with Kaede and Mana here, as an apology."

"An apology for what?"

"This." Haruna turned back to Nodoka and the two golems, who all had their hands on the rope. "HEAVE."

"EEEYYAAAAHHHH!" Yue was catapulted upwards so hard that she was actually airborne for a few seconds, before dropping out of the air, back into the harness. "OW!"

Nodoka called up to her. "Are you alright, Yue?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She called back down, red faced. "The harness is now wedged into some rather uncomfortable places, but I think I'm okay."

"Great!" Haruna yelled up at her. "Now grab one of the buckets and see if there's sap in it!"

"How? I can't reach the buckets!"

"Oh." Haruna looked up at her friend, who was dangling a good ten feet away from the main trunk of the tree where the buckets were hanging. She turned back to Nodoka. "We seem to have made a minor logistical error." She scratched her head. "Uh..." She turned back to the fake Kaede and Mana, who were still anchoring the rope. "Tug on the rope and see if you can get her to swing back and forth."

"Wait!" Yue tried to call back, but it was too late. "OW. OW. OW." After a few harsh yanks, Yue was still hanging in the same position. Haruna stroked her chin as if she had a goatee.

"Oh, I know!" She pulled open her artifact and scribbled something out. "Appear!" A long pole materialized in her hands. "Okay, let me see if I can get you closer!" She pointed the poll towards Yue, and gave a jab in the behind.

"OW!" Yue kicked at the pole. "What are you doing!"

"I'm trying to swing you closer to the tree so you can grab on!" She poked at Yue again, this time hitting her in the stomach.

"Ugh." Yue kicked more violently. "Knock it off!"

"Just a few more tries!"

"Um, Haruna?" Nodoka tried to get Haruna's attention, but the long haired girl was too preoccupied by jabbing at Yue, who was wriggling furiously in a futile effort to dodge. After several more frustrated pokings, Haruna disgustedly threw the pole down.

"This isn't working!" She stomped her foot.

"You're telling me." Yue rubbed her side.

"Uh, Haruna?" Nodoka tapped Haruna on the shoulder. "I have an idea."

"Huh?" She finally noticed her friend, who was twiddling her fingers. "What is it?"

"Could you draw, like a stick with a hook on the end?"

"Okay." She scribbled a long, cane-like object into her artifact. "Come forth!" The stick materialized. The hook on the end was a bit sharper than Nodoka had intended, but the basic idea was right. "Now then." Haruna turned back to Yue and started to reach for her with the hook.

"Nooo!" Nodoka grabbed the hook-pole out of Haruna's hands. "Don't do that!"

"Wasn't the plan to hook onto Yue and drag her over to the tree."

"No!" Nodoka took the stick and walked over to where Yue was dangling. "Here, Yue. Catch this!" She tossed the pole up to Yue, who managed to grab the end of it. "See if you can hook onto the tree with it!"

"Finally, a plan that won't injure me..." Yue swung the pole at the tree, and after a few swings managed to catch the hook on a knot on the tree's gnarled trunk. She drew herself closer until she could finally grab onto the trunk and tossed the pole back to the ground.

"Okay, now try to grab one of the buckets!" Haruna shouted. Yue started to make her way across the tree to one of the buckets.

"Dammit, Haruna!" Yue crawled awkwardly across the surface of the tree. "Why did you have to put the buckets up here!" She finally made her way to one of the buckets. "There had better be something in here now that I've put in all this effort." She pried the lid off of the bucket and looked into it.

"Well?"

"Yup there's something in there!"

"Okay, unhook the bucket from the tree!"

Yue wrestled with the bucket for a few seconds before it popped off of the spigot. As it came clean, Yue swung away from the trunk.

"Alright!" Haruna turned to fake Kaede and Mana. "Lower her down slowly." As Yue descended, Haruna kept directing the golems. "Slower, slower. We don't want to spill anything."

"Oh, now that I have the bucket you're all gentle about it." Before her feet even touched the ground, Haruna grabbed the pail out of Yue's hands and pulled the lid off. She peered in, and saw a few inches of glowing watery liquid.

"Perfect!" She set the bucket off to the side. "Alright! Lets get the next one!"

Yue tried to get Haruna's attention. "Go a little slower this ti-"

"HEAVE!" Yue was jolted into the air once again, even more violently than before. As she finally stopped swinging, she glared daggers at Haruna, who was still smiling broadly, holding the hook-pole. "Here, you're going to need this!" Holding the pole like a javelin, she threw it as hard as she could.

"Ugh." The blunt end of the hook nailed Yue in the stomach and fell back to earth. Haruna tried to grab it again, but was stopped by Nodoka.

After an hour or so of being jerked around in the harness. Yue finally set down the last bucket. There were at least a dozen of them. She stretched. Her body felt as if it had literally been put through a wringer. At least now she would get to relax a little.

"HEAVE!" Yue flew up into the air again.

"What are you doing!" She shook her fists. "There aren't any more buckets! Get me down!"

"Oh, sorry." Haruna scratched her head. "Force of habit. Okay, let her down."

The fake Kaede and Mana released the rope. Yue plummeted onto the giant air mattress, bounced off, landed on the ground and rolled a few feet before stopping. Haruna was already occupying herself by combining the buckets of sap. Within a few minutes, Haruna was heading back down the trail, bucket in hand. Nodoka followed behind her, clutching another bucket to her chest. Following Nodoka, the two golems brought an additional four buckets. Behind them, Yue lagged along, completely drained.

As they finally reached the dorm room, Haruna snapped her fingers and the clones vanished, leaving nothing but the half-dozen buckets of sap on the table. She cracked her knuckles and let out a low chuckle. Yue flopped on the couch. The outline of the harness would probably be etched into her body for a few days, but she finally had some peace. Her tranquility was promptly interrupted by Haruna grabbing her arm and pulling her off the couch.

"Haruna," Yue's eye was starting to twitch. "We got your stupid sap. What else do you need me for?"

Haruna grinned a grin that was usually reserved for thoughts of world domination. "The night is still young!" There was a dangerous gleam in her eye. "There is still much to do!"

"What are you talking about?" Yue was too tired for anger. She had long passed that point into resignation.

Haruna gestured dramatically at the buckets sitting on the table and struck what she had long referred to as her evil overlord pose.

"We're making _**SYRUP**_!"

Yue groaned. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

*Not the same rope Haruna used to tie herself up. Chamo chewed through that one.

* * *

.

* * *

Okay, this is one of those times where the story spiraled completely out of control. I don't even know what happened. The whole thing with Yue getting abused in the harness was just going to be a one-off gag, but it was totally within Haruna's character to just keep inadvertently abusing her. I might have overdone it a bit. I'm still not _entirely_ sure what's going to happen when she attempts to make magic syrup, but it's going to be ridiculous, in one way or another.


	11. Sugar Rush, Part 2

Okay, just for reference, this chapter is quite a bit more tranquil than the others. Just think of it as a sort of "calm before the storm" type of thing. It'll pick up speed later.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Sugar Rush**

**Part 2**

Making syrup was hot, long, sticky work. Made even worse by the fact that neither Haruna, Nodoka, nor Yue had any idea what they were doing. Haruna knew that the sap had to be boiled down somehow, but her knowledge of the subject ended there.

After stirring a giant pot of sap for some time and getting nowhere, Yue's patience finally reached its end. She consulted her artifact on the matter.

"Dammit, Haruna!" She shoved Haruna away from the stove and turned it off. "We're not supposed to boil it all at once! Use your artifact to make some pans!"

Minutes later, there was a wide pan sitting on the stove. "Much better." Yue sat back in her chair. "Now add the sap slowly as the moisture evaporates." She stopped reading and closed her artifact. "Just keep going until you run out of sap." She laid back and tried to doze off. Nodoka had successfully escaped Haruna's grasp on the pretense of having to go to the bathroom, using the opportunity to sneak into bed.

What seemed like a few minutes later, a rustling noise caused Yue to open her eyes. Looking through her tired haze, she could make out Nodoka climbing out of bed, peeling off her pajamas as she went. She looked at the clock. She couldn't make out the numbers. She stared for a few seconds before realizing what was going on. The haze wasn't from the tiredness, the haze was from the copious amounts of steam building up in the room.

It took another few seconds for her to realize that the room was practically boiling. It was like a sauna. Through the fogginess, she could make out Nodoka's shape, opening the window. There was a rush of cold air as the steam billowed out of the side of the building. Yue turned back towards Haruna, who was still standing over the pan of sap, stirring dramatically.

"Haruna!" Yue lifted herself out of her chair. Her clothes were practically damp, and stuck to her skin. She felt like a lobster. "Why the heck didn't you open a window!" She lurched towards the fridge to get a drink.

"I was too busy stirring." Haruna's glasses were practically opaque from the steam. It gave her an even more disconcerting appearance than usual. "I didn't want it to burn!"

"Why didn't you just turn down the stove, then!" She tossed her nightclothes into the laundry basket and snatched a notebook off of the desk to fan herself. "Or get one of us to help you."

"You're right." Haruna's glasses gleamed. Yue immediately knew that she shouldn't have said anything. "I've been going for a while. It's your turn."

"You're the one who wanted to make this stuff. You stir it!"

"Oh, come on, Yue. My arms are getting tired."

"Fine I'll stir for a little while. Just use your artifacts to whip up some fans or something to cool it down a little."

"Can do." Haruna handed Yue the spoon and walked over to the couch. "By the way, you might want to put some clothes back on. Wouldn't want to get burned."

Yue looked down at herself. She was bruised a bit from all abuse she had taken getting the buckets down, but it wasn't as bad as she thought it was going to be. She pulled an overly large shirt out of one of the drawers and over her head. It went down almost to her knees. None of them knew exactly where it had come from or how it had ended up in their room, but it was a good lounging outfit.

Within a couple minutes, a handful of fans were buzzing all around the apartment, sending the heat and steam out the window. Haruna was already lying on the couch, snoring gently. Despite the fans, Yue was still uncomfortably warm from standing next to the boiling sap.

"Here." She turned to see Nodoka offering her a glass of iced tea. At least there was one sane person in the apartment. "You look kind of like a mad scientist."

"Really?"

"It's the glow." Oh right. The sap was magic. Yue had practically forgotten all about that. _This syrup had better have some damn spectacular effects after all this trouble._ Yue tried to do an evil laugh.

"Bwa ha ha! Soon my evil potion will be complete!" It wasn't that funny, but the combination of her voice and the fact that they were both sleep deprived caused Yue and Nodoka to burst out laughing for a few minutes. Yue smiled for the first time that night. "You want a turn?"

"Sure." Nodoka took the spoon. "Why do you think Haruna wanted to do this so badly?"

"Who knows?" Yue looked at the girl, who was still sleeping on the couch. "Ever since she got that artifact, she's pulled all sorts of ridiculous stunts. I think the Pactio might have damaged her brain or something."

"I don't know..." Nodoka stared thoughtfully into the glowing pan. "I think she's always been like this. Her artifact just lets her actually do all the things that she thinks up."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, I got my artifact before she got hers, and her mind hasn't really changed any." She passed the spoon back to Yue. "I think that before, she'd get these ideas, but not be able to actually do it. Like if she had the idea to do this..." Nodoka waved her hand at the pan. "..before she got her artifact, she couldn't do it because she didn't have the equipment."

"So her artifact is just an enabler for her wild fantasies?" Yue chuckled at the thought.

"Something like that." Nodoka took the spoon back.

"Whatever being it is that gives out the artifacts must have not been paying attention." She looked at the pan. "I think we need to add more sap."

Three and a half long hours later, the three girls stared at the bottle of World Tree Syrup that sat on the table. They didn't have any good containers on hand, so they had made due with a thoroughly cleaned glass milk bottle. Other than the glow, it looked like plain old maple syrup.

"We went through all of that trouble for this?" Yue scoffed. She wasn't sure if the painful process of getting the buckets down, followed by hours of stirring and fighting Haruna into a wakeful state were worth the trouble. This syrup had better be something special.

"Alright, let's make some pancakes!" Haruna started towards the cabinet, but Yue set herself in the way.

"Not tonight!"

"Why not!"

"Because we don't know what effects that syrup could have, and I'm not going to stay up the rest of the night cleaning up after the inevitable disaster!" She snatched the syrup bottle off the table, and stomped to her bed. She stuffed the bottle under her pillow, wrapped herself in her blanket, and pressed her head into the cushion.*

She awoke the next morning to find Haruna shaking her excitedly. "Wake up, Yue!"

Yue groaned and looked at her clock. 10:12. Later than she had thought. Haruna had actually let her sleep in a little. Nodoka was already standing next to the stove, preparing the necessary indgredients.

"Morning, Yue!" Yue could hardly believe that Nodoka was this cheerful.

Satisfied that her big-headed friend was roused, Haruna strode over to the countertop. On her head was an overly large chef's hat.

"It's time, Yue!" Her glasses shined ominously in the morning light.

"Time for what?" She didn't really want to know the answer. Haruna answered as if she were announcing the creation of a doomsday device and holding the world for ransom. She smiled as she pushed her glasses further up her nose.

"Time... for _**magic pancakes!**_"

* * *

*For all of three minutes, at which point Yue had to use the bathroom. She took the bottle of syrup with her to avoid Haruna's attempts at stealing it. This is quite irrelevant to the story, and I'm not sure why I felt the need to include the information in this footnote.

* * *

.

* * *

Yeah, a bit boring compared to previous stuff, I know. But I have big plans for what happens next, and putting more stuff into this chapter wouldn't have helped much. Things should pick up once they actually eat the pancakes.


	12. Sugar Rush, Part 3

**Chapter 11: Sugar Rush**

**Part 3**

A large stack of pancakes sat in the center of the table.

"Okay, who's first?" Haruna was practically shaking with glee.

"I think you should eat it." Yue slid the glowing bottle of syrup across the table towards her friend.

"Why's that?"

"Because we have no idea what that stuff is going to do, and I'd rather not have to experience the effects firsthand." She shrugged. "And besides, it's not like you'd let either of us try it before you anyway."

"Yeah, you're right." Haruna grabbed the bottle. "No way I'm letting you guys try it first."

"Do you want a fork, Haruna?" Nodoka started to walk towards the counter.

"Nah, it's fine." Haruna removed the top from the bottle, and poured a large glob of glowing syrup onto one of the pancakes. She rolled up the pancake and stuffed the whole thing in her mouth.

"How is it?" Yue sipped lazy from a box of tomato milk. Nodoka looked on nervously as Haruna's face contorted slightly.

"Mit tsmts mrike grasml."

"What?"

"Are you alright?" Nodoka held out a glass of milk. "Take a drink." Haruna swallowed the pancake and stuck out her tongue.

"It tastes like grass. Bleh." She took a giant gulp of milk. "Yuck. I guess that's not the right kind of tree for that."

"Do you feel alright?" Nodoka put a hand to her friend's forehead. "You feel a little warm."

"I feel great! It's kinda tingly, but that's it." She suddenly stood up. "I just had an idea." She strode over to the light switch and plunged the room into darkness. There was a pause. "Damn, it didn't work."

"What are you doing, Haruna?" Yue's voice carried a tone of annoyance.

"I thought maybe my stomach would glow in the dark."

"Um, guys..." Nodoka's voice was more worried than annoyed. "Look at that."

Yue realized that she could see Haruna, holding up the front of her shirt, looking at her stomach for any signs of luminescence. There was a definite glow, but it wasn't coming from Haruna. It was coming from her artifact, which still lay on her desk.

"Haruna, has your artifact ever done that before?" Silence. "Haruna?" Yue turned flipped the light back on to see Haruna fidgeting nervously. "Are you alright?"

"Uh..yeah." She giggled. "It's just that the tingling is a little stronger."

"What kind of tingling?"

"Well, you know that magic rush thing that you get when you make a pactio?" Her hands were trembling now. "It's kinda like that, only stronger."

Nodoka gulped. She could remember the feeling that she had experienced when she had made her pactio, and it had been pretty intense. Haruna's face was beginning to flush, and the glow of her artifact was visible even though the lights were back on. She looked closer at the artifact. It seemed to be shaking. She tried to get a closer look.

As she proceeded across the room, Yue was moving Haruna onto the couch. The bespectacled girl staggered forward on stiff legs, looking as if she had to go to the bathroom and was trying to hold it. Yue threw a blanket over her.

"Y-Yue?"

"What is it, Nodoka?"

"I think we might have a problem." Yue turned toward her friend, who was pointing at Haruna's artifact, which was shuttering violently. As she moved closer, she saw the images that Haruna had drawn on the pages; her pre-fabricated golems. They were moving. And the movements were slowly getting faster.

"Oh crap, this is not good." Yue started pacing back and forth across the room. "We're going to need some help. Maybe we could call-"

"EEYYAAAHHH!" Yue twisted her neck to look at Nodoka. Her attention was quickly stolen by the myriads of strange creatures that were pouring out of Haruna's artifact. Several small monkey like creatures were already running around the room, and Nodoka was grappling with a scantily leather-clad Makie who was halfway out of the sketchbook. The librarian was making a valiant effort to shove the golem back into the page.

Yue raced forward to help, but it was too late. The Makie-golem twisted her way out of Nodoka grip and hopped to the floor. Yue made an effort to tackle her, but the golem bounced over her head and landed by the door. Yue blanched. _Please don't open that._ As if it could hear her thoughts, the golem turned the knob and headed into the hallway. Yue started to give chase, but stopped when she heard Nodoka calling her.

"Help! We need to stop this!" The artifact was now spilling dozens of tentacle-ermines onto the floor. "Look in your artifact!"

"Oh...Okay! Adeat!" The giant book appeared in Yue's hands. She started rapidly paging through it, looking for anything that could be useful.

"Hurry up!" Nodoka had given up on trying to stop the artifact, which continued to generate all sorts of golems, most of which immediately headed out the door. There were several more copies of their classmates, a number of Haruna's various original creations, and what appeared to be a large gorilla.

"I'm still looking!" Yue kept searching. She wasn't sure whether to look for information on the World Tree or on Haruna's artifact. There was too much info...

"Get Haruna to dismiss her artifact!" Nodoka dodged the golems and made her way to Yue. "It can't summon anything if it's dismissed!"

Yue tossed the book on a chair and began to shake Haruna. "Haruna! We need you do dismiss your artifact!"

"Mrneh?" Haruna was still shaking, although the stupidly wide smile on her face told them that it probably wasn't from pain. "W-what?"

"Dismiss your artifact!"

"Uh... How does that work again?"

"Just say "Abeat", okay!"

"Ah..ah...abugble."

"No, it's "abeat"! Say it more clearly!" Yue grabbed her by the shoulders and started to shake her. "Come on!"

"Ah...abeat..." The flow of golems ceased as the artifact disappeared in a puff of smoke. The few golems that were still in the room quickly made their way out into the hallway. Haruna still lay on the couch, giggling to herself. Nodoka emerged from behind the couch, looking around warily. She swallowed hard.

"I think we're going to need some help."

There was a knock on the door. Nodoka got up to answer it, while Yue continued to tend to Haruna, who was still shaking and making rather odd noises as she lay on the couch.

Nodoka opened the door, and Evangeline stepped into the room. Yue and Nodoka were lucky that Chachamaru had been the one who picked up the phone. If Eva had answered, they probably wouldn't have gotten the time of day. Fortunately, the robot girl cared enough about the well being of her classmates that she had convinced her master to get out of the house.

"Oh, Evangeline, Chachamaru!" Nodoka gestured for them to enter. "I'm so glad you're here. Maybe you can help us figure out what's wrong with Haruna. Would you like a drink?"

"Tea, please." Eva took a look at the girl on the couch, who was currently drooling from her disturbingly wide smile. "What the hell did she do?"

As Nodoka explained how Haruna had made syrup out of the World Tree, Eva's face contorted into an expression halfway between horror and laughter. When the part about the artifact spontaneous manifesting dozens of golems, Eva put a hand to her forehead.

"Are you serious?" Eva's eye twitched. "Do you still have the syrup?"

"Here." Yue set the bottle on the table. Eva snatched it up and examined it.

"Wow. This is some pretty concentrated magic." She turned and looked at Haruna. "Well, I think it's fairly obvious what happened; your friend here has a case of magic overdosing."

"Magic overdosing?" Yue scratched her head. "That never came up in my artifact..."

"It's probably in there somewhere. It's just not a very common problem." She walked over to the couch. "When she ate that syrup stuff, she absorbed a ton of concentrated magic; more than her body can cope with."

"Will she be okay?" Nodoka's voice sounded fearful.

"Oh, she's fine." Eva laughed. "Probably better than fine. You know that nice sensual rush that you get when you get powered up with magic energy? Like in a pactio?"

The library girls nodded.

"It's like that, only a lot...more so." Eva grinned evilly. "With the amount of magic in her right now, she's probably really enjoying herself, if you know what I mean.

Chachamaru, despite being a robot, coughed loudly and blushed. She knew exactly what Eva meant. Yue's expression of concern for her friend immediately shifted to one of annoyance.

"So we were worried about her for nothing? What a waste of-" Nodoka shoved her to the side.

"Why did her artifact start summoning all that stuff? Is there something wrong with it?"

"I doubt it." Eva shrugged. "All that magic energy was trapped in her body, and her artifact was the only available outlet."

"But what should we do about all those constructs that are running loose over campus now?" Yue was now focused on the matter at hand.

"Get rid of them somehow." Eva shrugged again. "You've dealt with those things more than I have."

"Maybe they'll just dissipate on their own." Nodoka suggested. "They usually don't last for more than a few hours."

"With the amount of magic in that syrup, I doubt it. Even the weakest ones probably have at least a week's work of energy to burn through." Eva plopped down on the couch. "Besides, your first priority should be taking care of your friend, shouldn't it?"

"But I thought you said she was alright." Yue was now more agitated than anything else about the situation.

"Well, she isn't hurt, but without a real outlet, all that magic energy is going to take quite a while to go away." Eva sipped her tea. "Unless you want her writhing around like that on the couch for the next month, you should probably find a way to get the magic energy out somehow."

Yue groaned. "Maybe we can let more of her power drain through her artifact. No that would be too messy." She started pacing the room again. "Maybe we could get her a practice wand and have her cast a bunch of minor magic..."

"Um, Yue?" Nodoka grabbed her friend's arm as she walked past. "I think I have a better idea."

* * *

.

* * *

I apologize for this storyline going on so long; it was only supposed to be like 2 chapters and it got out of hand. Hopefully the next chapter will finish it up. That's the plan, at least.


	13. Sugar Rush, Part 4

**Chapter 12: Sugar Rush**

**Part 4**

Asuna entered the room to see Evangeline and Chachamaru sitting on the couch, sipping tea. Yue was still walking rapidly back and forth behind the couch. Nodoka was over by the bed making sure that Haruna didn't accidentally roll out of it as she writhed around. Asuna stared at the bed, her attention drawn by Haruna's moaning.

"Is she..." Asuna pointed. "...you know..." She coughed.

"Kinda." Eva grinned. "Magic overdose."

"What exactly do you expect me to _do_?" The last time Asuna had been called into the room, she had ended up tied to the bed. The only reason she had shown up this time was because Nodoka had been the one to call her up. "I swear if I end up in my underwear again..."

"Don't worry." Nodoka giggled a little at the memory. "We just need you to summon that fan thing and smack Haruna with it. It could cause the magic buildup to dissipate. Could you do that please?"

"With pleasure!" Asuna summoned her harisen and raised it above her head. "This is for summoning that duplicate of Takahata-sensei!" She brought the fan down as hard as she could on Haruna's head.

"OW!" Haruna sprung into a sitting position. "What the hell was that for!"

"Well, it looks like she's back to normal." Yue went back to her tea.

"Wait..." Haruna finally noticed that Eva and Chachamaru were sitting on her couch. "What are they doing here?"

"We're here because you were an idiot and tried to make maple syrup out of the World Tree." Eva smirked. "It didn't go so well."

"Why, what happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"I remember feeling really, really good. I mean _really_ good."

"Well, while you were blissing out in your sensual haze of magic..." Eva stood up and stretched. "...your artifact was...well... I'll let your friends fill you in on that."

"This isn't good, is it?" She turned to Nodoka.

"Well, after you ate the syrup..." Nodoka started twiddling your fingers. "A bunch of pre-fabricated golems started coming to life..." The blood drained from Haruna's face. "Apparently the magic you absorbed started going out through your artifact. We had to get you to de-summon it to get it to stop."

"Uh." Haruna scratched her head nervously. "Do you know how many of them got loose?"

Yue shrugged. "We were too distracted by the total chaos to do a head count."

"Oh well," Haruna hopped out of bed and stretched. "I'll just dismiss them all and call it a day."

"That might not be a good idea." Chachamaru spoke up. "I have calculated the amount of magical energy contained in the syrup, as well as the amount that was absorbed by your artifact. The amount of magic contained by them is such that they may release that energy in a violent fashion when they are dismissed."

"So if I try to dismiss them, they might explode?"

"That appears to be the case, yes."

Haruna groaned. "What am I supposed to do, then?"

"Your best bet would be to have her dismiss them for you." Eva pointed at Asuna before standing up. "I have better things to do than hang around here." She walked toward the door. "Chachamaru, you may stay and help if you wish. I'm going back to the house to finish watching _Fight Club_." She walked out the door. There was a moment of silence as everyone stared awkwardly at Haruna.

"What?" She scratched the back of her neck. "I guess we should try to find all the copies and stuff, huh?"

"I supposed you're right." Yue put a hand to her forehead. This was going to be a long day.

"Do you think we could get a list of what we have to look for?" Asuna groaned. If her artifact was the only way to safely dismiss Haruna's clones, she was in for the long hall.

"I guess..." Haruna turned towards the robot. "Is it safe for me to summon my artifact?"

"Well, now that Asuna has dissipated the excess magic, I see no reason why it should be a problem."

"Okay." The artifact poofed into view. Asuna briefly tensed, prepared to smack any more wayward summons out of existence. Fortunately, the book just sat on the table like it was supposed to. Haruna flipped it open and began surveying the damage. She breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh good, the Eva copies are still in here. I'd hate to get her pissed at me."

Asuna started to open her mouth to ask why Haruna had copies of Eva, but thought better of it. Haruna kept flipping through her artifact.

"Let's see magic knights are here, flying manta ray is here, shield maidens..."

" 'Paru 01-08'" Yue read over her shoulder.

"Hey, those are for my own personal use!" Yue kept looking.

"And what about 'Ero-Asuna'?"

"Wait, I'm in there!" Asuna raised her fan again.

"Don't worry about it. That one didn't escape. Okay." She finished scribbling out her list on a piece of loose leaf. "Here's the list of ones that got out..."

The list was surprisingly long. This was going to require some help.

* * *

15 minutes later, the girls had amassed a small personal army. Asuna, Setsuna, Kaede, Chachamaru, and Mana stood in the room, receiving a briefing from Yue and Nodoka.

"So, the plan of attack is to start in the dorm, and work our way out." Yue pointed gestured to a large map of the campus that Haruna had conjured. "Because Haruna receives a portion of the damage dealt to her golems, we ask that you not destroy them outright. Instead we want to herd them into this area so Haruna can dismiss them without harm. "

"So we're basically wandering around campus until we find something?" Mana scoffed. "This is going to take forever."

"Not entirely." Nodoka coughed. "I will have my artifact active, and be searching the campus for unusual occurrences. Haruna also knows how the constructs will behave, so she thinks we can focus on certain areas where they are more likely to be found. Any questions?"

"How much am I getting paid for this?" Mana stared unenthusiastically.

"Haruna will be responsible for payment."

"How could she possibly have the amount of money required to-" She stopped as Haruna came up behind her and started whispering in her ear. Her eyes widened slightly and she swallowed hard. Haruna moved away, a wide grin on her face. "That payment will be acceptable."

* * *

Nodoka and Yue slowly worked their way down the hallway. Between them, they dragged a struggling whip-wielding Makie clone. They had found it fairly easily; they had heard screams coming from the dorm room down the hall and had burst in the room to find Akira and Ako cowering behind the sofa, shielding themselves from the whip lashings of a leather-bikini clad Makie. The "**MAKI – 01**" was clearly visible on her back.

"Why would Haruna even make something like this?" Yue stumbled a little as the clone's whip wrapped around her ankle. The golem continued to wiggle furiously in their grip. Yue called down the hallway. "Asuna! Where are you?" There was no answer.

"Hold on, I'll try to call her..." Nodoka wrapped one of her arms around the golem's neck, and dug her phone out of her pocket with her other hand. "Asuna? Where are you? We found the Makie golem. Yeah, we're in the dorm. Hurry up or she'll get away again." She hung up and grabbed onto the golem with her other arm. "She's on her way."

"Great." Yue was focused on using her free arm to pull the Makie golem's hand out of her now half-open shirt. "She had better get here qui-OW!" The golem landed Yue a hard smack on the behind.

"How do you like that!" giggled the golem. "There's more where that came fro-"

Yue clobbered the fake Makie upside the head and tried to catch hold of her arms. "Knock it off!"

"Yue!" Nodoka managed to catch one of the fake's arms. "Don't do that! You know that Haruna could get hurt when you hit the golems!"

"I don't care. She deserves it after all the trouble she's put us through." Yue sighed. "And I can't hit hard enough to do any real damage anyway."

"Is that all you got?" The fake Makie began to lasciviously stroke Yue's face with her fingertips. "I would have thought that you could do better..." She whispered into Yue's ear with a breathy voice. "I'm disappointed, Yue. Very disappointed." The faux-Makie leaned in even closer, her lips brushing Yue's ear. Yue could feel Makie's tongue fondling her earlobe. "And now you have to pay the price..."

"HIYAAAAHHH!" The golem melted into the air as Asuna's harisen swept through it. After a moment the last smoky remains of Haruna's creation had faded away. Yue could feel her face burning with redness as she turned to face Asuna. Nodoka stared intently at Yue for a few seconds before snapping out of it.

"Oh, Asuna!"

"Took you long enough." Yue started fixing her clothes. "If you would have been any later, that thing would have...I don't even know. Something...improper."

Nodoka sighed.

"What was that?" Yue turned to her.

"Oh, nothing."

"Sorry it took so long." Asuna shouldered her harisen. "There were some monkeys climbing around in the trees out back. What's our tally so far?"

Nodoka pulled a notebook out of her backpack, checking off the creations that they had neutralized. "Well, **MAKI-01 **is taken care of. How many monkeys were there?"

"Three. I got all of them."

"Okay..." Nodoka continued down the checklist. "That's all the monkeys then. Any word from the others?"

Asuna thought for a minute. "Setsuna and Kaede herded those "evil" copies of you back to the woods, where Haruna dismissed them. Mana found that clone of herself and destroyed it. Don't worry, Haruna is fine. She should just be lucky that Mana didn't kill her for making her into a dominatrix." She thought for another moment. "I also took out that 'Aniki' fighter guy. Don't know what Haruna was thinking when she made him... And Chachamaru cornered that Rakan-centaur thing. Glad it wasn't as tough as the real deal."

Nodoka continued checking off the list.

"Okay, the only things left are the 127 Chamo copies, and the gorilla." She put the book back into her bag. "Haruna mentioned that she had a plan for catching the Chamos, so we should go meet her in case she needs our help."

"Sounds good." Asuna cracked her knuckles. Smacking things around with her harisen had proved very cathartic. She was practically enjoying herself.

* * *

"Haruna, what is that?" Yue pointed to the large pit that Haruna had somehow dug out in an obscure wooded area behind one of the maintenance buildings.

"That is how we're going to capture all of the tentacle ermines!" Haruna grinned. Yue just put her hand to her head.

"Why did you feel the need to give them tentacles?"

"That's irrelevant! Now we just need to set up the rest of the trap." She scribbled something in her artifact, and a large, grassy blanket flowed out of the book, covering the hole. "There, see? A pit trap." Asuna stared incredulously.

"There's no way that this is going to work."

"Of course it will work!" Haruna rubbed her hands together. "We just need the proper bait..." She suddenly spun around and pointed off in the distance. "Look! It's Takahata-sensei! With no shirt! And he's inexplicably oiled up for some reason!"

"WHERE!" Asuna spun around. Haruna grinned for a second before rushing behind the redhead, reaching under her skirt, and getting a firm grip on her panties. There was a loud "sproing" sound as a cartoonish-looking spring popped out of the ground, launching Asuna into the air, leaving Haruna holding her panties. The redhead was on her feet in a moment, fuming. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!"

She tried to charge Haruna with her harisen, but Yue and Nodoka held her back. Haruna just shrugged.

"I had to get panties from somewhere." She tossed them into the air, and they floated down gently, coming to rest in the center of the pit trap. "Now we wait."

"This is ridiculous." Asuna muttered as Yue and Nodoka dragged her to their hiding place in the bushes. "There's no way that this is going to..." Her voice trailed off as the ground started to tremble. There was a dull roar in the air. Then suddenly, as if someone had flung wide the floodgates of perversion, a literal wave of furry, writhing ermines poured out of a nearby alleyway, towards the panties. The girls watched in awe as the entire seething mass poured into the pit.

"I told you it would work!" Haruna strode out of the bushes and surveyed the damage. She snapped her fingers and there was a noise as if hundreds of cherry bombs were simultaneously exploding. A bit of magical smoke wafted out of the hole.

"I can't believe that worked." Asuna's good mood had broken the second that Haruna had stolen her underwear, which was now presumably shredded at the bottom of the trap. She turned to the bespectacled girl. "You owe me a pair of panties."

"I could draw some up for you." Haruna grinned.

"No way in hell." Asuna scoffed at the idea. "You'd probably have them start talking to me or spontaneously turn into a thong or something."

"Well, we're down to one remaining construct." Nodoka held up the checklist. "That gorrilla thing. We know it's still on campus somewhere; it has such a big concentration of magic that if it left it would trip the school's magic barrier."

"Mana, Setsuna, Chachamaru, and Kaede should still be searching for it. I'm surprised that they haven't found it y-" Yue was interrupted by Setsuna dropped out of the air, practically on top of her. Setsuna's wide eyes, combined with the fact that she only used her wings for real emergencies, told everyone that something was wrong.

"That gorilla kidnapped Ojou-sama!" She gasped. "She managed to call my cell, but by the time I got to her she had dropped it. I don't know where she is! Kaede and Mana can't find it anywhere. Mana even used her demon eye, but she still can't detect it! Chachamaru's sensors aren't picking up anything either!"

Asuna turned back to Haruna.

"Is Konoka in any danger from that thing?"

Haruna's face was completely serious; even a little worried. This was a horrible sign.

"I...uh...I don't know."

"You don't know!"

"The gorilla was an experimental thing; I didn't assign it any personality traits. I have no idea what it will do." She started to nervously fidget with her hair. "I...I'm so sorry that this happened..."

"Worry about that later!" Setsuna spread her wings. "I'm going to start doing a flyover of campus. Just do whatever you can to make sure that Ojou-sama is alright." With that, she launched herself into the air.

"Now what do we do?" Yue looked at Haruna. "You don't have any idea where the gorilla could have taken her?"

"None." She slumped down against a tree. "What are we going to do! Konoka might be in danger and it's all my fault! That gorilla could have taken her anywhere on campus! There's no way of finding it. What am I supposed to say to Setsuna if something happens..."

"Worry about that when something bad actually happens!" Yue walked over to Haruna and gave her a light smack in the head. "For all we know, the gorilla is playing backgammon with her or something. But still, we need to find her as fast as possible."

"Maybe we could use my artifact..." Nodoka held up her book.

"The effective range is too small." Haruna sighed. "Campus is too big."

There was silence for a few seconds.

"You know..." Nodoka kicked at a clump of dirt. "...There might be something I could do."

* * *

"You don't have to do this, Nodoka!" Yue practically had to jog to keep up with her at the rate she was walking.

"It might be the only way to find Konoka before something bad happens." She continued forward. "Besides, we already know the risks and how to counter them..." She threw open the door to her dorm room. The bottle of syrup was still sitting on the table, glowing gently. She swallowed hard at the prospect of what she was about to do.

"If this works, be ready to call Setsuna, Mana, Chachamaru, or Kaede and let them know where Konoka is." She took a deep breath as she popped the top off of the bottle and dipped her finger in. Hopefully it would be enough. She stuck her finger into her mouth.

Yue, Haruna, and Asuna gasped as Nodoka's face contorted as she swallowed. Hopefully nothing had gone wrong.

"Eaugh. Haruna was right." Nodoka face returned mostly to normal as she snatched a bottle of water from the fridge. It really does taste like grass..." Her voice trailed off momentarily. "W..wow...Haruna...you weren't kidding when you said..." Yue took her hand and guided her to the couch. Nodoka's knees already seemed to be weakening.

"Ok, Nodoka, we need you to focus on Konoka."

"Oh...ok..." The girl's face was flushed, and her hands were beginning to tremble. The Diarium Ejus sat open on the table. "Ko...Konoka...right?" Faint lines started to appear on the pages. Slowly, they began to form pictures and words. They could make out the gorilla in the picture, but the background was too indistinct; it was a jumble of what looked like boxes. The words were still coming together.

"Come on, Nodoka. Concentrate on Konoka." Yue was still holding onto Nodoka's hand. "You can do this."

The shifting shapes on the paper finally slid into place. Konoka's name was at the top of the page.

_Wow, I can't believe I got carried off by a gorilla. This is really scary. But at least it's not still holding onto me or anything. And I have a nice view from up here..._

The picture at the top of the page slowly came into focus. Haruna suddenly jumped up.

"That's the Mahora bell tower! The gorilla carried her to the top of the bell tower." She pulled her cell out of her pocket. "Setsuna, the gorilla has Konoka on top of the bell tower!"

Halfway across campus, Setsuna spun around in midair and made a beeline for the tower. Now that she knew what she was looking for, she could practically see Konoka and the inexplicably purple gorilla standing on the roof. _Good, Ojou-sama is on the other side of the roof; I have a clean shot._ She dove straight towards the gorilla, sword at the ready.

As she went in for the kill, a thought crossed her mind. _The damage the golem takes gets transferred back to Haruna. _She checked herself and lifted back into the air. The gorilla took a futile swipe at her. She readied herself for another pass; maybe she could incapacitate it. She dove again. The attack needed to be at the right angle to make sure she didn't knock the gorilla off the roof.

This would be her dry run; drop in and see how the beast reacted. What she didn't count on was that it would react by jumping up in an attempt to grab her. As she wheeled away, the gorilla reached out. As she sped away from its grasp, it tipped over the edge, and plummeted to the ground. Setsuna stared in horror for a second before remembering something else. _It's only 1/20__th__ the damage. Haruna will be fine. _She landed on the roof of the tower to share an embrace with her beloved Ojou-sama.

* * *

Back in the room, Haruna suddenly started to ache.

"Ooowww..." She crawled slowly into her bed.

"Looks like Setsuna defeated the gorilla." Yue looked up from her book, and then checked her phone for confirmation. "Yeah, the gorilla is gone, Konoka is safe." She turned to Asuna. "You can de-magic Nodoka now."

Nodoka was still twisting her body against the sofa with a big smile on her face when Asuna tapped her gently on the head with her harisen.

"Oh..." She sat up, a little dazed. "That was...amazing..." She sat for a few moments before remembering what was going on. "Oh! Is Konoka alright?"

"Konoka is fine." Yue smiled. "Haruna..." She gestured towards the bed, where Haruna was groaning. "Well, let's just say that she got what she deserved for causing this mess."

* * *

.

* * *

Okay, in terms of quality, I probably should have divided this up more and spent more time on each event, but I really wanted to get the "Sugar Rush" chapters finished. The writing gets a bit worse towards the end because I was writing it at 2 in the morning for some reason.

Yes, the gorilla on the bell tower is a half-hearted King Kong reference.

I wanted to involve Mana, Chachamaru, and Kaede in the story more, but those bits got cut for time. Same goes for the other golem encounters I was going to have. These chapters are long enough already.

In any case, hope you enjoyed it.

No idea when the next chapter will be up, college is kinda eating my life right now.


	14. Difficult Rider

Bleeehhh finally updated this story. Had a really tough time writing this one; I'm still not completely satisfied with it, but I rewrote it from scratch once already and then completely overhauled it twice, and I didn't feel like spending more time on it. There's a good story in here somewhere, although it didn't turn out as well as I'd hoped. I apologize in advance for using such an unpolished chapter after the break. Hopefully you'll enjoy it anyway.

* * *

**Chapter 13: Not So Easy Rider**

_Never again. Never ever again. I will never, under any circumstance, accept Haruna's help if her artifact is involved._ Chisame wanted to clamp her eyes shut, but that would have been a terrible idea. She still couldn't understand why she had accepted Haruna's offer. She had been under a lot of stress, and Chiu-chan's website was long overdue for a new photo shoot. _Why did I choose a biker theme? And why did I let Haruna generate the bike?_ _Why did I actually try to ride the damn thing?_

She had half expected it to to blast forward at an insane speed the minute she turned the key, taking her straight into the Mahora lake. She hadn't expected the motorcycle to take to the skies. As it was, she was clinging to the bike with every ounce of strength she could collect, trying to figure out a way to steer the thing as it careened through the air.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Chisame twisted the handlebars in a vain attempt to steer.

"Just hold still!" Chisame looked over her shoulder to see Nodoka gliding alongside her on a flying manta ray, obviously one of Haruna's creations. "Haruna says that one of the buttons on the hub will cause the bike to start hovering!"

"Hover?" Chisame shouted back. "Which button?"

"I don't know!" Nodoka tried to moved closer, but the bike was moving too erratically. "Haruna didn't say! I'm going to go under you in case you fall off!" Nodoka dropped out of the sky.

Chisame looked downward for a brief moment to see Yue going below her on her broom, with Nodoka beside her on the flying manta. _They're so tiny..._ The bike lurched beneath her, and Chisame brought her gaze up to stare straight ahead. _Oh crap oh crap... _She tried to hold the bike as steady as possible. If nothing moved, it went in a shaky kind of "forward"-ish direction.

She looked down at the array of buttons. _Leave it to Haruna to make this more complicated than necessary..._ No point in being random about it. She tightened her grip and punched the leftmost button.

At first she didn't even notice what had happened. Then after a few seconds the sensation reached her brain and she released a small whimper. The seat was vibrating. _Leave it to Haruna... _Chisame could feel her fingers beginning to tingle. Her legs, which had been clamped tight around the bike, were beginning to tremble. _I have to turn it off! If I don't, I'll..._

She poked at the button again with a trembling finger. The vibrations intensified. _Dammit, Haruna! _Chisame bit her lip. _Crap, hitting it again might just make it worse...not going to risk it._ She prodded the next button.

Her heart skipped half-a-dozen odd beats as she felt the motorcycle disassemble beneath her.

"AHH! WAIT! NO!" She reached for the buttons again, only to find that they were rapidly drawing away from her. Her eyes clamped shut. _Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to..._ Chisame peeked out from under her eyelids. To her surprise, she wasn't falling. The pieces of the bike seems to be wrapping themselves around her, with countless miniscule hinges and joints coming into view. She could feel the warm metal pressing against her body.

_Wait...that's ridiculous..._Chisame couldn't believe it. _This cannot be happening!_

"ROBOT ARMOR?"

* * *

Haruna watched from the shore of the lake as Chisame veered madly in the air.

"Wow, she already figured out how to activate 'Armor Mode'."

"Haruna, what is going on?" Konoka emerged from the trees.

"Oh, hey." Haruna grinned. "Chisame's trying out my transforming motorbike."

"Did she know that it was going to do that?"

"Do what?" Haruna tried and failed to smile innocently at Konoka.

"Start flying and turn into a robot!"

"Well...I was _going_ to tell her, but she took off before I could-"

"You were never going to tell her anything!" Konoka pouted. "Why would you do that? She could get hurt if she falls off of that thing!"

"She'll be fine! Look!" Haruna pointed at the erratic speck zipping through the sky. "She's already figuring out how to steer!"

"But what if she has trouble."

"Don't worry about it! Nodoka is an expert with that flying manta ray." Haruna threw a reassuring arm around Konoka. "I assure you she's perfectly safe..."

"Then what about that!" Konoka thrust her hand into the air. A large cluster of missiles were tracing their paths through the clear sky before bursting into a cloud of gray smoke.

"Awesome! The weapons systems are functional!" Haruna chortled as she rubbed her hands together.

"That isn't safe at all!" Konoka took hold of Haruna's shirt and began to shake her. "Weapons are by definition not safe!"

"Relax! They're just smoke bombs. Perfectly harmless. Unless she deliberately crashes into the bell tower or something, there's no way that sh-"

"**BUDDY YOU'RE A BOY MAKE A BIG NOISE PLAYIN' IN THE STREET GONNA BE A BIG MAN SOMEDAY**"

"WHAT IS THAT?" Konoka shouted as loud as she could, but she couldn't even hear her own voice.

"**YOU GOT MUD ON YO' FACE, YOU BIG DISGRACE**"

"WHAT?" Haruna mouthed back.

Konoka waved her arms, trying to gesture in the general direction that abominably loud music was emanating from. The direction being up in the sky. There was no doubt what the source was.

"**KICKIN' YOUR CAN ALL OVER THE PLACE**"

Haruna held up a finger in the typical "just a minute" gesture before turning to dig a notebook out of her backpack.

"**SINGIN' WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU**"

She held up the notebook, which had "It needed to have pump-up music!" scrawled across it.

"**WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU**"

Konoka was just beginning to push her fingers into her ears when the music cut off, leaving an odd silence in the air. Far off in the distance, she could faintly make out Chisame's shrieks.

"Haruna, are you trying to draw attention or something? How is my grandpa supposed to explain that?"

"Shooting a movie?"

Konoka put a hand to her forehead.

"What? It worked fine during Mahorafest..."

"Yes, but during Mahorafest, this kind of thing-" Konoka pointed at the robot armor, which was shooting dozens of lasers into the air. "-would have blended in!"

"Maybe we can blame it on the robotics club, claim that they're working on an _Iron Man_ cosplay or something." She stroked her chin for moment. "Iron Man! Of course! I should add that to my list of pump up music."

"That thing doesn't even remotely resemble _Iron Man!_" The armor seemed to have spontaneously sprouted a pair of giant, metallic, butterfly wings.

"Oh, forgot about that..." Haruna flipped through her sketchbook. "Do you like the butterfly wings are okay, or would dragon wings look cooler?" She held up some sketches.

"Hmmm..." Konoka squinted at the drawings. "I do like the dragon wings, but they wouldn't really work with the blue and yellow color scheme that you used, maybe if you incorporated more red it would- Wait, no! You have to get her down somehow!"

"Konoka, stop worrying!" Haruna waved her hand dismissively. "Chisame's a smart girl, she'll figure out how to land it."

"Haruna, get her down or I'm going to stop getting my grandpa to let you off the hook!"

"You wouldn't."

Konoka just smiled pleasantly. Haruna shivered.

"Okay, fine! I'll get her down." She shuffled over to the water's edge and held up her artifact. "Come forth!" There was a glimmer of light, and a large, blocky, remote control materialized in Haruna's hands. She scratched her head as she examined the row of buttons across the top of unit.

"Crap."

"What is it?"

"I forget what button does what. Oh well, I know there's a 'hover' button on here somewhere..." Haruna shrugged and jammed the leftmost button with her thumb. Nothing happened. She pressed it again. And again. "Do something, dammit!" She repeatedly punched it as fast as she could. Until it turned red, at which point she froze. "Ohhhh...it's that button. Oh well, she'll probably enjoy it. How about this one?" There was a click as she compressed the button.

"**BUDDY YOU'RE A YOUNG MAN HARD MAN SHOUTIN' IN THE STREET GONNA TAKE ON THE WORLD SOME DAY**"

"Crap, that's not it either."

"**YOU GOT BLOOD ON YO' FACE YOU BIG DISGRACE WAVIN' YOUR BANNER ALL OVER THE PLACE**"

She began punching buttons at random.

"**WE WILL WE WILL ROCK Y-**"

"Okay, now that we got that turned off..." She looked up again to see that Chisame was now trailing a cape and several giant helium balloons. "Huh, I don't remember having a cape button...You know what? I'm just going to do this the easy way." She pressed her thumbs against the control sticks. Chisame twisted madly in the air.

"What exactly are you doing?" Konoka couldn't see exactly how Haruna was helping the situation; Chisame's flight pattern was even more random now.

"Well, I'm _trying_ to bring her in for a landing, but it looks like she's still trying to steer it herself...Ah screw it." Haruna shoved both control sticks as far forward as they would go, and Chisame dropped out of the air, her screams becoming more and more audible as she neared the lake. "Okay, that should do it..." Chisame's dive slowed and she found herself upside down, flailing spasmodically a mere fifteen feet above the water.

"Perfect." A smile crept across Haruna's face. "Dismiss."

The shock was evident on Chisame's face as the armor melted away around her, fading into wisps of smoke. She hung in the air for a moment before gravity dragged her into the water. Nodoka rapidly descended after her, gently landing the manta ray on the surface of the water. From the shore, Haruna could hear Chisame angrily ranting as Nodoka helped her clamor out of the lake and onto the back of the manta ray.

"And with that, my work is done." Haruna slung her bag over her shoulder and began to walk swiftly towards the nearby woods.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from here. Chisame isn't going to be happy. And I'm not telling you where, because you'll tell her. Oh, and by the way..." Haruna pressed a small object into Konoka's hand. "Make sure Chisame gets this."

"What is it?" Konoka examined the object. It appeared to be a memory card of some sort.

"Chisame's motorcycle pictures. If they turn out well, maybe she won't try to kill me. Put in a good word to your grandpa for me." She flashed Konoka a thumbs up, patted her on the back, and disappeared into the trees.

Konoka turned back to the lake in time to see Nodoka and Chisame coming to shore.

"WHERE DID SHE GO?"

Konoka pointed meekly at the forest where Haruna had vanished. Nodoka and Konoka watched as Chisame stomped off, leaving a trail of dampness behind her. Her footsteps faded into the afternoon quiet. Konoka turned to see Nodoka dragging the manta ray out of the water.

"How on earth do you manage?"

"Huh?" Nodoka gave up on the manta and turned around.

"Haruna."

"Oh, you used to it after a while." She smiled pleasantly; her face showed no indication that she was the least bit bothered by what had just taken place. "Besides, there are some..advantages to having her around."

"Advantages? Like what?"

A pink tinge spread across Nodoka's cheeks.

"Oh..uh..." The bookworm giggled. "I'll explain later, okay?"

* * *

.

* * *

Of course if Haruna designed a motorcycle it would transform into a robot. I probably could have handled the idea better, but I liked the idea of Chisame going crazy in the air while Haruna stands by doing absolutely nothing. Not sure why I decided to have Konoka show up; I guess I just needed someone to interact with Haruna, and Yue and Nodoka were already accounted for.

I'm almost certain that I'm going to smack myself in the head the next time I look at this story because I did so little with the idea, but I was having serious writer's block and just wanted to get this story out of the way so that I could get on to writing other storylines. I have a few ideas of what I'm going to do next, although I don't know when I'm going to get around to writing it. Probably not for another 2 or 3 weeks.

Also, apparently this site doesn't like having exclamation points and question marks right next to each other, so if you see an exclamation point on the end of a sentence that's structured as a question, It's not my fault. There was probably a question mark there at some point.

Anyway, reviews are good, even if I think the chapter is subpar. If I decided to go back and take another crack at it I could use the advice.

Thanks for reading. :)


	15. I Choose You, Part 1

Bwa ha ha! I finally update once again.

* * *

**Chapter 14: I Choose You, Part 1:  
**

"Okay, Negi. You got your costume on?"

"Yeah." Negi stepped out of the changing tent that Haruna had summoned for him, into the small clearing behind one of the lesser-used school buildings. The costume seemed to consist of a blue shirt, jeans, and a change in hairstyle. The boy's hair was now spiked. But other than that not much had changed.

"Perfect!" Haruna rubbed her hands together gleefully. "Okay, that's one down. Now we just need the protagonist..." She turned to the other side of the tent. "Kotaro, are you almost done in there?"

"Yeah, I'm coming." He barked. "Why does Negi get the normal outfit?"

"Because I'm trying to be faithful to the source material! You got your role because you have black hair and your personality fits the role better. Do you want to be the main character or not?"

"Okay, fine." He emerged sullenly from the tent, wearing blue jeans, a black shirt, a blue jacket, and a red and white cap. "Do I really have to wear these?" He held up a pair of green fingerless gloves.

"Of course! It's an integral part of the character!"

"This is ridiculous." He reluctantly pulled the gloves on.

"Looking good!" Haruna straightened the boy's hat. "Hmmm." She put her hands on Kotaro's shoulders and directed him next to Negi. "Okay...let's see here..." She squinted. "Okay, Negi. The glasses have to go. They don't fit the look at all."

"But I need them to see!"

"No you don't." Haruna snatched the spectacles off of his face. "You get your glasses knocked off during your sparring matches all the time, and it never messes you up." She slipped the glasses into her pocket.

"That's because of my magic enhancements! You know, like how I can use magic to run really fast?"

"Then use it now." She ignored him in favor of examining Kotaro a second time. "His hair is a bit long, but other than that I think he turned out pretty good. What do you guys think?" She turned to Yue and Nodoka, who were leaning against a nearby tree.

"I think they look fine." Nodoka tilted her head. She wasn't sure whether she preferred Negi with his hair up, or in the ponytail.

"Haruna, Exactly which series were you going for here?" Yue began to page through her artifact.

"The original. Beginning of season one. Right out of the gate."

"Ok, let me pull up some pictures here." Yue tapped her foot impatiently as her artifact connected itself to the internet. "What do you think, Nodoka?"

"Kotaro is spot on." She leaned in closer to get a better look. "Negi's a pretty good match, although he's a bit short."

"Too short, huh?" Haruna stared pensively into the sky. "I wonder if I could borrow some of Eva's pills."

"No!" Yue slammed her artifact shut. "Don't you remember what happened last time!-? There are still like half a dozen bottles of milk in the fridge from the last time you got pills from her!"

"Bottles of milk?" Kotaro scratched his head. "What the heck happened?"

"You don't want to know." Yue's forehead began to flush as she looked down at her feet.

"Uh, actually I do want to know."

"**No. You do not.**"

As Kotaro caught a glimpse of her eyes, the blood drained from his face. He took a step back, holding up his hands in a gesture of submission.

"Y..yeah, you're right. I don't want to know."

"Oh, come on, Yue..." Nodoka put her arm over her friend's shoulder. "It wasn't _all_ bad..."

"Will you people get back to the topic at hand, please!-?" Haruna shoved herself between the two girls. "We have the protagonist and the rival. Now we need some supporting characters!"

"Let's begin with the female lead." Yue held up her artifact, complete with a picture.

"Okay, let me think..." Haruna closed her eyes. "I got it! Kotaro!" She shoved her finger in his face.

"I need you to go get Natsumi!"

"What do you need her for?" Kotaro leaned back to avoid getting poked in the face.

"She'll be perfect!" Haruna beamed. "She's about your height, has short red hair, heck, she even has a ton of unresolved sexual tension with our male lead...She's not quite enough of a bitch though..."

"Wait, unresolved what?" Kotaro scratched his head.

"Although I guess she's kind of a bitch, in a roundabout overly technical way..." Haruna brooded. "I mean, Kotaro is a dog demon, and Natsumi is his-"

"Haruna, I think you're being overly literal about this..." Nodoka pointed out.

"What are you people talking about?" Kotaro tried hopelessly to gain Haruna's attention.

"Don't worry about it!" Haruna jabbed him in the chest with her finger. "Just give Natsumi a call and get her over here."

"Unfortunately, I believe Natsumi isn't going to be able to take part in your little escapade." Yue stated flatly.

"And why not?"

"She's in detention right now..."

"Detention!" Haruna was taken aback. "How the heck does someone like Murakami end up in detention?"

"It was something to do with the theater club." Negi chimed in. "I had to sign the detention slips for her and Chisame. Something about 'improper use of theater department facilities'."

"Chisame too?" Haruna muttered. "How on earth did that happen?"

"Oh, come on, Haruna." Yue drolled. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Huh?"

Nodoka leaned over to whisper into Yue's ear.

"I don't think she knows."

"What don't I know about?" Haruna's head snapped around in a surprisingly prairie-dog like manner. "Inform me."

"Well, it seems that Natsumi might not be as good a fit for this role as you thought..." Yue began to slip into lecture mode. "As a matter of fact, the current state of reality is that the sexual tension you observed between Natsumi and Kotaro may not have been entirely accurate. It is much more probable that a much higher degree of tension exists between Natsumi and C—urk!

Nodoka grabbed the back of Yue's shirt and yanked her behind a nearby tree.

"Yue, you probably shouldn't tell Haruna about that." Nodoka pressed a finger against her friend's lips. "You know that sometimes people want some privacy in their personal matters..."

"I suppose you're right." Yue felt her forehead growing warm.

"Will you guys get over here and help me with this!-?" Haruna stamped her foot impatiently. "I need you to help me come up with a plan B now that Natsumi is unavailable!"

"How about one of the twins?" Nodoka offered. "They look the right age."

"It's a possibility..." Haruna mused. "Thought there might be problems working both of them in...we'll keep that as Plan C. Got any other ideas?"

"How about Makie?" Yue suggested.

"Too bubbly and enthusiastic"

"I could call Chizuru-neesan." Kotaro readjusted his hat.

"Too busty!" Haruna began stomping in a small circle. "I need a short, flat-chested redhead, who's a bit of a bitch..."

"What the hell are you people doing?"

Haruna looked up from her ranting to Anya standing at the edge of the clearing, hands on hips. The deranged grin on Haruna's face would have made the Joker jealous.

"Perfect."

"Perfect for what?" The girl scoffed. "Do I even _want_ to know what idiocy you've gotten yourself into this time?"

"It's just a little roleplay thing. For fun."

"I should have figured it would be something ridiculous..." Anya shot a confused glance at Negi and Kotaro. "What the heck are you doing here? Don't tell me she shanghaied you guys into her demented plan!"

"It's not that bad actually..." Negi looked down at himself. "All the hair gel is a bit much, but other than that-"

"So," Anya began to tap her foot impatiently. "Why do you want to drag me into this?"

"Well..." Haruna began, wracking her brain for the right way to phrase the request. "I needed a girl with a specific look and a specific personality to go with it, and you fit perfectly."

"Exactly what type of girl were you looking for?"

"Oh, that." Yue piped up. "She's looking for a short, flat-chested bit-MMMPH"

Haruna spun around, thrusting her artifact in Yue's direction. An enormous toilet plunger rocketed off the page, landing on Yue's face and knocking her backwards into a nearby bush.

"Yue! Are you alright?" Nodoka reached out in an attempt to grasp one of Yue's rapidly flailing arms. "Hold still, I'll get you out!"

"MMF. MMMPH. MMMMMMFMPH!"

Haruna ignored the chaotic extrication process taking place behind her and smiled broadly at the redheaded girl.

"Pay no attention to them. What I'm looking for is a...precocious girl..." Haruna carefully picked through her words. "Someone with a strong will, and very...recalcitrant." She continued to smile, mentally praying that Anya didn't know what that last word actually meant. "I just thought that you would be a good fit for the part."

"And what's in it for me?" Anya looked over Haruna's shoulder to see Yue tugging vigorously at the handle of the plunger that was stuck to her face. "I'm quite sure that this isn't worth my time."

"Hold still, Yue." Nodoka tried vainly to grab hold of Yue's shoulders. "I just need to break the suction..." There was a loud pop as Nodoka managed to slip a finger beneath the edge of the plunger. She tried not to laugh at the red circle that now covered Yue's face.

"Ignore that.." Haruna waved her hand dismissively at Yue, who was angrily muttering vaguely angry syllables in her direction. "Let me tell you what I can do..." She leaned in close and murmured a few choice sentences into Anya's ear. The girl's face promptly went as red as her hair.

"What!-? Ew!" She recoiled in horror. "Why would I ever want that? And I'm pretty sure that it's illegal..."

"Okay, fine." Haruna grabbed Anya's wristed and reeled her back in, whispering some slightly less choice words.

"I don't know..." Anya's eyes shifted briefly in Negi's direction, then back at Haruna. "That's still kinda sketchy."

"If that's the case, I'll throw in some..." More whispers.

Anya's eyes widened. She nodded dumbly.

"I'm in."

"Great!" Haruna slapped the girl's back. "Let's get you into your costume! It's in that tent right over there." She pointed at the changing tent.

"I swear, you had better hold up your end of the bargain..." The girl disappeared into the entryway.

"So how exactly are you paying her for this?" Yue rubbed at her face, trying to get the swelling to subside.

"I said I'd sneak into Eva's resort and bring back some bust enhancement pills."

"I don't know if that's a good idea." Nodoka stepped nervously forward. "Remember what happened last time?"

"I'll make sure that I read the labels more carefully this time around, okay?"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL!-?"

Haruna turned around just in time to see Anya flinging a bright yellow tank top and pair of short shorts into her face.

"There's no way I'm wearing something that skimpy! The deal is off!" Anya began to march out of the clearing.

"Waitwaitwaitwait!" Haruna buzzed past her and stood in her path. "Just listen to me for a second."

"You have 30 seconds." The girl crossed her arms and waited for a response.

"I just thought that you would like to know that this could work to your advantage."

"In what way?"

"I'm going to let you in on a little secret..." Haruna sidled up next to Anya and put a reassuring arm around her shoulder. "First off, I know you have a _thing_ for Negi. It's actually pretty obvious, but-"

"I do not!"

"Your vehement response and flushed face say otherwise. Don't worry, I'm not going to tell him about any of that. It's not like it would help anyway; when it comes to romance he's completely oblivious. What I'm going to do here is help him notice you on his own."

"What do you mean?" Anya sniffed indignantly.

"He's getting to that age where he'll actually start paying attention to girls. And we're going to make him pay attention to _you._" Haruna grinned. "You know what boys like?"

Anya swallowed.

"Fighting?"

"No! Well..." She looked back at Kotaro and Negi, who were killing time by tossing rocks into the air and blasting them with shots of magic. "Okay, those two like fighting, but that's not what I was thinking of."

"What were you thinking of?"

"Skin."

"Skin?"

"Skin."

"What are you talking about?" Anya asked suspiciously. "Why would they care about skin?"

"I'm talking about _your _skin." Haruna chuckled as she brushed her fingers across Anya's cheek. "Like I said, Negi is at that age where he's beginning to...ah...appreciate the female figure. If you wear this..." Haruna held up the costume. "..I can more or less guarantee that he's going to pay attention."

"Oh." Anya's cheeks began to redden. "But I...uh...I don't exactly have much of a figure...and he's surrounded by more...shapely girls all the time..."

"Please, you know Negi well enough to know that he's not going to care too much about the specifics." Haruna looked over her shoulder at Negi. He and Kotaro were still doing their magical skeet shooting. "Besides, you know how I know that he's at _that_ age?"

Anya shook her head.

"Like a few weeks ago, Me, Yue, and Nodoka went in to take a bath in the main bathing hall, like usual. And Negi was in there, like he always was. But this time he freaked out when we came in. Ran away. Ever since then he's only used the shower in Asuna's room."

"Really? Are you sure that's why he-"

"I'm sure. It was...evident. I'm not going into details." She took her arm off of Anya's shoulders. "Anyway, the point is that you're in a prime position to get his attention. Besides..." Haruna poked Anya in the middle of her chest. "It shouldn't be too long before you...blossom." She smirked. "This way, you can hook him now, and then when you get your own set of boobs he'll be all yours."

"Really?" Anya was fighting to keep the smile off of her face. "But what if I don't...grow."

"Use Eva's pills, I guess." Haruna shrugged. "Or maybe you'll just be lucky and the kid will be into that sort of thing. Either way you'll have a head start."

"Hmmm..." Anya examined the thought for a moment. "Alright, I'll do it." She thrust a finger at Haruna's face. "But you had better be right about this!"

"Don't worry about it, he'll definitely be interested." Haruna pressed the clothes into Anya's arms and shooed her towards the tent. "Get going!" She watched as Anya disappeared into the tent a second time. "Alright then. Yue, who's left on the list?"

"Just the secondary male lead."

"Oh, that might be a problem..." Haruna closed her eyes. Nodoka looked at the image that Yue had pulled up on her artifact.

"You don't know any boys that look like that, do you?"

"I'm not sure Haruna knows any boys, period." Yue stated. "At least not any that are our age. And definitely none who fit this description."

"Chamo actually fits the personality quite well." Nodoka scanned the information on the page. "He seems to have the same kind of mentoring nature..."

"As well as a perverted streak." Yue looked up at Haruna. "Surprising as it is, he may actually be an acceptable choice."

"Uh, I think I'm going to pass on that one." Haruna folded her arms. "We'd have to find a way to give him a human body, and even I'm not going to attempt _that_." She sighed. "I guess we'll just have to go with plan B. Hey, Kotaro!"

The boys were too busy blasting things with their magic to pay any attention. Haruna strode over and grabbed the back of Kotaro's jacket.

"Hey, dog boy, I need you to do something for me!"

"What?" He grumbled, annoyed by the interruption.

"Call Kaede and tell her to get over here. She's free now, right?"

"As far as I know." He shrugged. "What do you need her for?"

"Don't worry about it, just get her over here!" Before Kotaro could respond, Haruna was on her way back to her friends.

"So, why are you using Kaede?" Nodoka asked.

Haruna chuckled at the question.

"Simple, she never opens her eyes."

"Ugh." Yue put a hand to her forehead. "I should have known."

"Okay, I'm ready..." There was a rustle as Anya took a slow step out of the tent. She coughed loudly in Negi's direction "How do I look?"

"Y...you look great..." He stammered.

"Really?" She stared bashfully at the ground. "I think it might be a little-"

Haruna barged in between them.

"Yes! The outfit fits perfectly!" She punched the air. "Now we just need to work on that hair..."

"What's wrong with my hair?" Anya asked indignantly.

"Well, it's too long for one thing." Haruna took hold of Anya's pigtails and lifted them up. "I don't suppose you'll let me cut it?"

Anya spun around, her face dark with rage.

"You cut my hair and I'll use my magic to make your chest as flat as a wall."

"Relax, relax!" Haruna released the hair. "I wasn't planning on cutting it. We just need to fix the hairstyle." Anya's hair fell around her shoulders as Haruna gave her ribbons a sharp tug. "Okay, I'm going to go get another can of hair gel." She strode over to a nearby tree and began rummaging through her backpack.

"Wow, Anya.." Nodoka ran her fingers through Anya's locks. "You're actually really pretty with your hair down like this."

"Really?" She began twiddling her bangs. "Hey, Negi, how does my hair look?"

"It looks like hair, obviously." Kotaro shouted. "Kaede is on her way, just so you know."

"I wasn't talking to you!" Anya sniffed.

"I think your hair looks good like that." Negi began to prod at his own hair. "Way better than how my hair looks when I put it up."

"That's true."

The joke wasn't funny. They both knew it, but they both chuckled anyway.

"Time to get down to business!" Haruna was holding aloft a large tub, and a hair tie. "Hold still and this won't take long."

"Wait a second, what do you need all of that for?" The redhead backed away.

"Don't worry, it isn't going to hurt you. We just need to fix up your hair a little." She grabbed a handful of the fiery redness. "Hmmm..." She examined the strands closely. "You might want to sit down. This could take a while." Her hand closed around Anya's wrist and she towed the girl back towards the tent.

"Yue, come with me. I'm going to need some help figuring out the logistics of this. Nodoka, you send Kaede in to change as soon as she gets here. And make sure Kotaro doesn't accidentally blow up the tent." She glanced nervously at the dog boy, who was now entertaining himself by juggling a large, ominous ball of shadow as if it was a soccer ball.

Yue groaned, but shuffled along behind her friend.

"Okay, will do." Nodoka gave the other girls a thumbs up. "Negi, can you keep an eye on him and maybe put up a shield or something in case he drops that?

Negi nodded, and began quietly chanting a force field spell. Nodoka leaned back against a tree, savoring the first bit of relaxation she had had all day. Haruna's idiosyncrasies could be entertaining, but just as often they were exhausting. Nodoka flinched as she heard a loud rustle in the tree above her.

As she looked up, a dark shape dropped out of the branches, landing directly in front of her.

"Oh, hello, Kaede."

"Hello." The ninja held up a hand in greeting. "Kotaro tells me that Haruna requested my assistance for some sort of roleplaying performance?"

"Yes, that's basically it. Your costume is in that tent over there."

"The one that the yelling is coming from."

"Yes. That one."

"Hey, Nodoka!" Haruna's voice rang out from the tent. "Come here for a minute. We need some help figuring this out!"

"Okay, I'll be right there." She began a brisk walk towards the tent. "Kaede's here, too!"

"Awesome, bring her in so she can get changed!"

As Nodoka pushed the heavy tent flap out of her path, she was greeted by the sight of Haruna and Yue globbing enormous amounts of gel into Anya's hair, most of which was gathered into an enormous ponytail-like protrusion on the left side of her head.

"I'm telling you, this isn't going to work. It's sagging too much." Yue had her sleeves rolled up, supporting the massive projection of hair with her arms. "The gel isn't going to be strong enough to support that much weight."

"It'll be fine." Haruna waved dismissively. "This stuff is industrial strength. We just need to keep her hair in place until it dries. Tell her, Nodoka."

"Is that the same gel you used on Kotaro's tail that one time?" Nodoka examined the enormous ponytail.

"Of course, I wouldn't trust anything else."

"It should be fine then." She moved to the side so Kaede could enter. "Why don't you use your artifact to make a shelf or something so Yue doesn't have to stand there."

"Fine, fine..." Haruna pulled out her sketchbook and began to scribble. "Alright Kaede, your clothes are on that bench over there. There was a poof as a small, wheeled platform appeared next to Yue. "Lift it up a little." Yue groaned as she lifted the ponytail a few inches. Haruna gave the platform a soft kick, sending it rolling under the mass of hair. "Alright, Kaede, your outfit is sitting on that chair. Get changed and then meet us outside."

"Will do." The ninja gave her a thumbs up.

"Sweet." Haruna waved at Yue and Nodoka to follow her outside. "Come on, guys. It's getting kinda stuffy in here. I'd rather not faint from hair gel fumes. Besides, I have some more summoning to do before we're ready to begin. Yue, I'm going to need to borrow your artifact."

As they left the tent, they were greeted by the sight of Kotaro utilizing his shadow wolves to test the power of Negi's magical barrier. An enormous ball of dark fire was slowly dissipating into the air.

"We can't leave you guys alone for two minutes!-?" Haruna shook her head. "It's like every time I turn around you guys are sparring again."

"Well, it isn't like we have anything else to do." Kotaro growled. "You dragged us out here, dressed us in weird clothes, and now we're just standing around while you mess with Anya's hair."

"We're almost ready, I promise." Haruna pressed her hands together. "As soon as the gel dries and Kaede gets dressed, we'll be ready to begin."

"You said that like half an hour ago."

"Shut up!" Haruna said in a huff. "I swear if you had been born a few years earlier, you would have begged to be a part of this! There are people who would kill to be able to do what we're doing!"

"If there are people willing to kill to do this, they need serious psychological help." Yue muttered.

"I'm using hyperbole! Using exaggeration as a rhetorical device! You of all people should know that, what with the piles of high-minded literature that you read."

"And I was using sarcasm." Yue glared at her friend. "And most of those books are philosophical anyway. Nodoka is the one with the encyclopedic knowledge of literary devices. I don't know a caesura from an ellipsis."

"If you don't know then stop throwing those terms around! Or throw around terms that you actually understand."

"Alright, I could start talking about Monads. Do you know what a monad is?"

"No, and I couldn't care less."

Yue grinned slightly.

"The monad is a simple substance, or rather a concept or idea, meaning that it is without parts. Monads can be collected to form compounds, but in and of themselves, have no parts. These Monads cannot be dissoluted..."

"Okay, I get it. You can leave me alone now!" Haruna snatched Yue's artifact out of her hands , leaving it floating in the air. She examined the page, sketching furiously into her own artifact. "You're just making it take longer."

"..because they have no parts. And because they have no parts, they must come into being or end all at once, unlike a compound, which can begin or end with its parts. By contrast, the monad can only come into being by creation, and only be destroyed by annihilation. Furthermore...

Kotaro nudged Negi with his shoulder.

"You're the scholar, do you have any idea what she's talking about?"

"Not really." Negi shrugged. "Merdiana didn't really cover philosophy that much..."

He looked on as Yue continued to prattle something about "multiplicity in the unit" and "perception". It never ceased to amaze him how someone who could grasp such complex subjects could receive such horrible grades.

"I'm ready." The philosophical jargon ceased as Kaede emerged from the tent wearing dark khakis, an orange shirt, and green multipocketed vest. Most of her hair now stuck out in subdued spikes.

"Wow, you even nailed the hair!" Haruna gave her a thumbs up. "You've even got a nice tan. Perfect." She held up her hands, making a frame with her fingers. "Yue, you want to go check on Anya and see if she's ready?"

"Seeing as my answer is irrelevant I suppose I might as well." The forehead girl shambled towards the tent.

"Alright, we're almost ready, so you guys can get in position." Haruna began to gesture at the massive pattern of lines that she had etched into the ground. "Negi, you go down to that end. Kotaro, Kaede, and Anya will be here."

"When did you have the time to make that?" Nodoka gestured at the enormous rectangle etched into the ground.

"I put that out here last night. If anyone asks, it's a soccer field, okay?"

"Um, Haruna, I think we might have a problem." Haruna and Nodoka turned to see Yue leading Anya out of the tent. Anya's head seemed to be stuck in a perpetual tilt due to the weight of the enormous, gel-coated, lump of hair on the right side of her head. "The ponytail is too big."

"Eh, it's close enough." Haruna turned back around and continued directing sketching into her artifact.

"What are you talking about!-?" Anya flailed her arm, the one that wasn't supporting the mass of hair. "I can't even hold my head up straight."

"Don't worry about it." Haruna dismissed her with a wave of the hand. "If all goes well, this won't take too long and you can be cleaning that stuff out of your hair within the hour. Just don't make this take any longer than it has to. Now go stand over there next to Kotaro and Kaede."

Haruna put her hands on her hips, surveying the spectacle before her. Days of planning had gone into making this dream a reality. Ever since she had received her artifact, this plan has been growing in the back of her mind. This was going to be fun.

"Let's get this started!" She was grinned so widely that the top half of her head was in danger of popping off. "Yue, Nodoka, would you be so kind as to hand these out?" She held out several labeled bags. As Yue and Nodoka delivered them, Haruna continued her explanation. "Each of these bags has a character description for you, as well as additional materials to assist you in your roles."

"This is absurd..." Kotaro's eye twitched as he dug the paper out of his bad. "And what the heck are these supposed to be?" He help up a handful of small red and white balls.

"I still can't believe that none of you people are familiar with this." Haruna shook her head. "Oh well. Those balls are the whole reason that you're here. You can use them to summon monsters to fight for you."

"Wait, I get to summon monsters?" Kotaro's eyes widened. "Why didn't you tell me about that before? That's awesome!"

"I wanted it to be a surprise." Haruna shrugged. "Anyway, that's what we're here for. You and Negi will each summon your creatures and have them battle each other. Each of you have a list of available monsters on your character sheets."

A fiendish grin crossed Kotaro's face as he took a second look at his paper. "I already know which one I'm going to use. How do I summon this thing?"

"Press the button on the front of the ball."

The ball clicked as Kotaro followed the instruction, expanding until it was the size of a baseball.

"Now throw it!" Haruna giddily twiddled her fingers. She had waited years to see this.

"Alright, here we go!" Kotaro held the ball above his head.

"WAIT!" Haruna held up her palm. "You have to say the line!"

"Why? That's lame!"

"It's for the sake of authenticity!" Haruna stomped her foot. "Say it!"

"Okay, fine!" Kotaro rolled his eyes as he hefted the ball.

Haruna clenched her fists in anticipation. Kotaro just sighed as he took a final glance at his paper before shouting.

"CHARIZARD, I CHOOSE YOU!"

The ball sailed through the air, landing with a quiet thud in the center of the clearing. A bright flash of light filled the air as the two halves of the ball separated. As the light faded, the group found themselves staring at a massive orange dragon with a flaming tail. The creature tossed back its head, releasing a roar and a ball of flame into the air.

"YES YES YESYESYESYESYES!" Haruna was dancing with happiness.

"CHAAAARRRRR!" The beast released another roar as it flapped it's massive wings, sailing off into the air. Haruna froze as she watched it soar off towards the main campus, growing smaller as it flew into the distance, belching fire and smoke. Haruna scratched her head in an embarrassed manner.

"Uh...that could be a problem."

* * *

.

* * *

So yeah, I finally got around to updating this story. I think this chapter went a little bit later than the last one did (which I admit was a bit phoned-in).

I'm fully aware that most of you readers probably realized what Haruna was doing (re-enacting Pokemon, for those few who are unfamiliar with it) within the first few paragraphs, but whatever. I figured that basically everybody who was ever into Pokemon would jump at the opportunity to have a real, live Pokemon battle.

For the most part, this chapter ended up a lot more Anya-centric than I originally thought. That's not necessarily a bad thing; she isn't my favorite character, but it was nice to get a chance to write a character that I don't use very often. Naturally, I had to have Anya and Haruna bounce off of each other for a little while. I had to think a bit to figure out how to get Anya to actually go along with Haruna's schemes, and I eventually ended up having Haruna play on Anya's insecurities. I also emphasized her feelings for Negi, which are a bit more ambiguous in canon, partly because I couldn't think of any better way for Haruna to convince her, and partly because it was funny.

The thought process of why Anya would end up in the "Misty" role is basically the same one that plays out in the story. Natsumi is indisposed because of an incident that occurred in one of my other stories (the Chisame/Natsumi section of _A Bunch of Chisame Shipping Fics_. That section had made a reference to a previous _Artifact Abuse _chapter, so I figured I'd make the references go both ways.) Since Natsumi wasn't available, Anya was the next best pic. She was originally going to have a smaller role, but once she and Haruna started going at it, I decided to just run with it. It was pretty much a given that it was going to take some time to explain how Haruna got her to dress in a Misty costume. It also let me make that joke about Anya having a single enormous hair-gelled ponytail sticking out of the side of her head.

The main reason I put Kaede in Brock's role is because I couldn't think of anybody who fit, so I just made the obvious joke about the eyes. There will be slightly more relevance in Kaede's presence in the 2nd part of this story.

As for the fact that Negi and Kotaro spend most of this chapter doing nothing important: I really didn't have much to do with them, but the structure of the story required that they be present. So they spend their time blowing crap up, because why not?

Concerning Yue's little philosophical rant to Haruna, it's a vague paraphrase of the first few paragraphs of Leibniz's _Monadology_. I don't know why, but I figured that Yue would be all about those kinds of complicated philosophical themes, while Nodoka would be the expert on literary devices and stuff of that nature. Like tropes. If Nodoka ever discovers TvTropes she's never leaving. ;p

I think that's enough author's notes for now.

Part 2 will hopefully be up soon, although I plan to put up another _Nerima_ chapter before I get back to working on this.

Reviews are awesome. Thanks for reading.


	16. I Choose You, Part 2

Note: This chapter kinda sucks. I apologize in advance.

* * *

**Chapter 15: I Choose You, part 2**

"Haruna, why on earth would you create a golem that can't be controlled!-?" Yue clawed at the air. "You know that it never ends well!" She couldn't help but stare into the sky where the Charizard had vanished. "Why would you do that!-?"

"Um...well...it was another matter of character accuracy..." She nervously backed away from her friend, holding her hands up. "I mean, in the show, Ash's Charizard didn't listen to him, so I though that it was appropriate to-"

"WELL, IT WASN'T!" Yue scuttled forward, prepared to batter some sense into the bespectacled girl. Nodoka barely managed to intercept her, wrapping her arms around Yue's waist and digging her heels into the grass.

"Yue, calm down! This isn't that much of a problem!"

"How is this not a problem!-?" Yue stopped struggling long enough to turn around and face Nodoka. "There's a giant orange fire-breathing dragon rampaging around campus! Not only is that more than a little dangerous, but everyone will figure out that magic is real! That is most definitely a problem!" She stomped her foot, attempting to emphasize her point.

"Relax." Nodoka put her hands on Yue's shoulders, holding her tightly enough to stop her agitated shaking. "If someone sees it we can just tell them that the film club is making a fan film or something and it was one of their props?"

"You think that anybody would actually believe that?"

"Well, they believed that those enormous demon robots that Chao summoned during Mahorafest were built by the robotics club..." Nodoka paused and thought for a minute. "Come to think of it, even the members of the robotics club bought it..."

"I guess..." Yue admitted. "The mundanes do believe some pretty ridiculous things..."

"And this isn't really any more dangerous than anything that Haruna subjects us to on a regular basis anyway." Nodoka added cheerfully. "I mean, compared to the time that she made that Psionic Yeti in our room?"

"Don't remind me of that..." Yue shuddered. "But even so, that Charizard is rampaging around Mahora! We know how to deal with it, but what if a mundane gets in it's path."

"Simple!" Nodoka smiled. "We'll just get Haruna to dismiss it!"

"Dismiss it..." Yue smacked herself in the forehead. "Why didn't I think of that? I must be getting rusty..."

"Oh, you're doing fine." Nodoka threw an arm around Yue's shoulders and gave her a squeeze. "If you can still do that speech about Monads, you're alright. It's just that usually getting Haruna to dismiss her golems isn't an option because they're doing what she wanted them to do."

"I guess you're right." Yue sighed. "I guess I got worked up over nothing."

"And usually you're the one telling me about 'mind over matter'..." Nodoka chuckled. "Well, as soon as Haruna dismisses the Charizard, everything will be back to norma-"

"I'M COMING FOR YOU, DRAGON BITCH!"

Both girls spun around to just in time to see Haruna take to the sky on the back of a massive winged motorcycle. She was screaming so loud that her voice could be heard over the roar of the completely-unnecessary engine.

"I'M GOING TO BLAST YOU RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY, YOU ORANGE BASTARD!"

Yue and Nodoka stared at the motorcycle as it grew smaller and smaller.

"Maybe we do have a problem..." Nodoka muttered.

* * *

The wind caused Haruna's hair to billow in epic fashion as she raced through the air in pursuit of the rogue Pokemon. She had started out with a full-out psychotic smile, but the rush of air blasting her cheeks had made it painful to maintain the expression. At the current moment she sported the widest grin she could manage without opening her mouth.

She could see the speck of orange in the distance, slowly growing larger as she caught up. One more nitro boost and she would be right on top of it. She quickly glanced down at the row of buttons along the handlebars. After that unfortunate incident with Chisame a few days earlier, she had finally taken the time to label them. Her thumb hovered over the "Be Moving Fast" button. As she prepared to hit the button, a faint sound caused her to pause. She tilted her head down to hear if she was hearing what she thought she heard. And she was. Her cleavage was ringing.

Haruna took one of her hands from the handlebars and stuffed it down the front of her shirt. After a few seconds of rummaging, she retrieved her cell phone. Yue's name flashed on the screen. She flipped it open and held it up to her ear.

* * *

"Haruna!" Yue couldn't really hear much on the other end of the line. There must have been too much wind or something. "If you can hear me, I want you to dismiss the Charizard! Dismiss it!" The roaring from the other side stopped, replaced by the beeping that signaled the end of the call.

* * *

"HELLO?" She shouted, trying to be audible above the wind. "WHAT? MISSILES? GOOD IDEA!" She closed the phone and dropped back into her shirt.

* * *

"Crap." Yue stared at her phone. "She couldn't hear me. I hope she isn't doing anything stupid."

"If that's the case, I think we should go help her!" Negi snatched his staff from where it had been leaning against the tree. "Come on, Kotaro!"

"Forget it!" The dog boy grumbled. "I'm sick of cleaning up her messes. Let her take care of it herself for once."

"Fine, be like that." Negi lifted off into the air.

* * *

Once again Haruna glanced down at the available buttons, running her finger along them. She stopped at the one labeled "They blast!" If she hadn't already been grinning as wide as possible, she would have grinned wider. She had been waiting to try this button out.

She punched it, far more enthusiastically than was needed. The motorcycle bucked underneath her as half a dozen missiles blasted out of the front. They looped crazily through the air, leaving smokey spirals in their wakes. _Not the most efficient... _Haruna mused to herself_. But definitely stylish._

"That should take care of-"

Her voice died in her throat as she watched the orange creature belch an enormous ball of flame at the oncoming missiles, wiping them out of the air.

"That could be a problem." She scratched her head as she bore to the side, beginning to circle the monster that was now slowly cruising along. "Okay, then. Plan B."

She punched another button, this one label "Active Lasering Attack!". There was a whirring as a small screen extended from the center console of the bike, showing a deliberately crude wireframe version of the surrounding area. A large crosshair dominated the center of the screen.

* * *

Negi soared along towards the creature in the sky. With any luck, he would be able to get around to the other side of it and trap the beast between himself and Haruna.

* * *

As Haruna closed in on the Charizard, the blocky representation on the screen slowly blipped towards the crosshair at the speed of 2 frames per second. She squeezed the trigger. In reality, and enormous green beam of energy blasted out of the motorcycle's headlight. Straight past the Charizard, who ducked out of the way.

* * *

Negi directed his staff in a wide, fast curve around the Pokemon, which seemed to be preoccupied by the missiles that Haruna had fired at it.

"Well, now that we have it trapped, we should be able to-" He was cut off by the bright glow of the laser as it blasted him in the face. Both Negi and the staff fell a short ways before lodging in the branches of a tree.

* * *

"Stupid targeting computer!" Haruna gave the screen a resounding smack, and shoved it back into the main console. "Sorry, Negi!" She shouted at the tree that he had fallen into. "I'll come back for you after I take care of this!" She turned back to the Charizard.

"Alright you bastard, I guess I'm just going to fight you woman-to-pokemon!" There was one more button on the motorcycle. This button was labeled "HENSHIN A GO GO BABY". She pressed it. There was a whirl of color, and Haruna could feel the shape of the bike melting away and beginning to wrap around her. "HAHAHAHAHA!" The last flash of brightness faded, revealing that Haruna was floating in midair, wearing a bright blue and red suit that was halfway between "robot armor" and "glam metal superstar", topped off with what appeared to be a motorcycle helmet with a lot of blinking lights.

"Prepare to meet your maker!" She shouted as she charged straight at the beast. "Because that's me!"

The monster turned to face her almost lazily, as if it was only half aware that she was even present. As Haruna made her final charge, the Charizard nonchalantly flicked it's tail in her direction. There was a dull thud and Haruna found herself careening through the air.

"OW!" She pulled off her helmet and began to rub her head. "That hurt, dammit!" She stuff the helmet back on her head and held out her arms, beginning to gather energy. It had taken forever for her to figure out how to siphon magic from the air and it was time to see how it worked. "Hey!" She shouted. "I'm talking to YOU!" She thrust her hands forward, kamehameha style. An enormous ball of energy erupted from her palms.

* * *

Negi struggled to free himself from the tree branches where he had landed. The enormous mass of hair and gel atop his head was making it rather difficult to move his neck. After much difficulty, he finally managed to get himself upright on one of the branches. Negi forced his head through the leaves, seeking a few of the battle.

* * *

"Oops." Haruna put a hand over her mouth as the Charizard once again fluttered out of the way of the attack, which was on a collision course with the tree that Negi had fallen into. "He's not going to be happy about that..." Haruna mumbled as the tree was engulfed in a rather large explosion. "Oh well, he's a tough kid." There was a rustle in the tree as a small, toasty-looking figure topped out of the branches, landing with a splat. "Eh, he'll be fine." The girl turned her attention back to the enemy at hand.

"Just who do you think you are, you overgrown salamander? I freaking made you! If you think you can just- Oh crap." Her eyes barely had time to widen as the Charizard, now alert to her presence, barreled into her.

* * *

"I still don't see why we need to bother with this." Kotaro muttered as he zipped along the ground, borne by his pack of shadow dogs. "It's hardly my problem."

"Shut up!" Anya snapped from her perch on Kotaro's back. "The sooner we put an end to this nonsense, the sooner I can get this goop out of my hair!" She pointed at the enormous solidified ponytail that jutted from the side of her head. "I'm starting to get a crick in my neck!"

"I don't want to hear about it! Hauling you around like this is going to kill my back!"

"What, am I too heavy for you or something!-?" Anya grabbed the dog boy's ears and gave them a hard yank. "If I'm heavy it's only because of all the crap in my hair!"

"OWWW!" Kotaro reached up and attempted to pry her fingers away. "Stop that or I'm going to dump you right here! Stop being such a b-" Kotaro's insult was cut off by an inconveniently low branch. After a few seconds of flipping through the trees, he found himself splayed out facedown on the ground. Or at least mostly on the ground. His face was pressed against something warm and soft. It wasn't an unpleasant sensation...

"Get the hell off of me!" Anya began to shove at Kotaro's head, which had by some aberration of physics ended up wedged halfway under her shirt. "Get out get out get out!" As soon as he was free of her tank top, she scuttled away from him crab-style, kicking at him the whole way.

"Ow!" Kotaro rolled out of the way of her feet. "Stop that! Sheesh..." He glared at her as she hunched over and folded her arms tightly across her chest. "I bet if it had been Negi you wouldn't be complaining so much..."

"Y-you stupid..." Anya's turned so red it was practically glowing. Kotaro squinted at her, trying to see if the steam blowing out of her ears was just an illusion. She spun around. "Even if it _was_ Negi, I-"

"YYYYYAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"What the heck was that?" Kotaro looked into the sky to see the Charizard flying in a tight loop, Haruna clutched in its claws. "Should have known that she was going to mess it up somehow." He stood up and waved a hand at Anya. "Get out of the way, I've got this one."

"Fine, then." Anya stomped to the side. No point in trying to fight with him now. She was lucky that he had even come along. If he could pull it off, then less work for her. Although she was still a little doubtful of his ability to put an end to the rampage. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Kotaro cracked his knuckles in preparation as he turned to her with a stupid grin on his face.

"Oh please. I've won harder fights than this. This will be a piece of-"

There was a loud crunch as Haruna landed on top of him.

"Ow...damn seismic toss..." Haruna's helmet popped dully as she pried it off of her head. "I think I'm going to go to sleep for a few minutes..." She slumped over on top of Kotaro. A large lump was beginning to emerge from the dog boy's head, most of which was wedged into Haruna's chest.

"Should have figured..." Anya grumbled. "And of course he ended up in her cleavage. I swear, that boy has been hanging around with that ermine too often. Oh well, he can suffocate. It's his own fault." She turned to the Charizard, which had finally landed, and was now lumbering around the center of the clearing. "Okay, let's try _not_ drawing it's attention..." She began to murmur a string of Latin syllables, the strongest offensive spell she could think of. "Omne Flammans Flamma Purgatus, Domine Extinctionis et Signum Regenerationis, in Mea Manu Ens Inimicum Edat! Flagrantia Rubicans!"

The air roared as a tornado of flame filled the clearing, sending a tower of smoke billowing into the sky. Anya turned her back to the conflagration, satisfied with her work. "I can't believe this gave you so much trouble."

"F...fi..." Haruna raised a shaky finger as she moaned in Anya's general direction.

"What is it?" Anya crossed her arms. "You realize you owe me for cleaning up your mess, right?"

"F...fire...t..type..."

"What are you mumbling about?" Anya snorted. "Yes, I specialize in fire magic. What's the big deal about-"

"CHAAARRRRR!"

Anya froze at the sound of a roar from behind her. She slowly and shakily turned to face the raging inferno she had created. A series of loud stomping noises was issuing forth from the flames. Anya's eye began to twice as a decidedly dragon-y silhouette became visible. With a final roar, the Charizard emerged from the conflagration.

"How the heck is that thing not dead!" Anya slowly stepped backwards.

"Fire...types...immune...to...fire..." Haruna mumbled.

Anya swallowed. The Charizard was apparently non the worse for wear, and it was advancing towards her. It threw back its head, ready to fire a blast of flame.

"Oh, crap." As Anya readied a shield, there was a rustling in the branches above her.

"Go, Onix!"

"Huh?" Anya stared blankly as a small red and white ball dropped to the ground in front of her. There was a flash of light, and she found herself staring at an enormous snake that appeared to be made entirely out of boulders.

The Charizard reared forward, blasting flames from it's mouth at the massive rock snake. The snake just grunted as the flames bounced harmlessly off of its stony carapace. Anya looked up to see Kaede posed dramatically on the snake's head.

"Alright, Onix..." The ninja girl bent down to pat the serpent's head. "Use slam!" She leapt into a nearby tree as the Onix whipped itself towards the ground. The Charizard's eyes barely had time to widen before the snake descended.

"That takes care of that." Kaede dropped out of a nearby tree, calmly observing the now-inert dragon. "Return, Onix." She held up a pokeball, and with a flicker of red light, the Onix was gone. "Anya..." The girl jumped as Kaede put a hand on her shoulder. "You should have just used your own pokemon." She pointed at the string of small orbs that hung from Anya's belt. "Charizard is weak against water types, after all."

"W...what?" Anya scratched her head in confusion, staring at the prone creature on the ground.

"Are all of you alright!-?"

Anya looked up to see Nodoka and Yue jogging towards them. Nodoka was waving at the group; Yue was too busy gasping for breath to make any comments.

"What happened?" Nodoka's voice wavered with worry as she noted the destruction that the Charizard had caused.

"What do you think!-?" Anya shouted. "Haruna caused another disaster, that's what happened!"

"Hey, I tried to stop it!" Haruna wobbled her way to her feet. "What else was I supposed to do."

"You could have just dismissed the golem." Yue finally caught her breath.

"Oh..." Haruna grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of her head. "That would have been easier..."

"Speaking of which, you should probably get rid of that before someone notices." Nodoka indicated the creature.

"You're probably right." Haruna snapped her fingers, and the Charizard was no more.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT BEFORE!-?" Yue and Nodoka caught hold of Anya as she rushed at Haruna, arms flailing.

"Relax!" Haruna hobbled back. "We're all okay, aren't we? You're okay, Kotaro's okay, Negi's..." She paused. She wasn't quite sure about Negi.

"I'm...fine..." The group turned to see Negi stumbling towards them. He was coated in a layer of what appeared to be ash, and his hair was stuffed full of smoldering twigs and leaves. "Haruna...I believe that this calls for some disciplinary action. Please come with me to the Headmaster's office."

"Uh...I..." Haruna caught a glimpse of his eyes under the ragged mess of hair and thought better of her response. "Okay." She hung her head and slumped in the general direction of the main school building.

Nodoka and Yue briefly glanced at each other, hoping that Negi wouldn't note their failure to prevent Haruna's insanities.

"So, Anya..." Yue turned away, trying to think of something else to do. "How about we start getting that gunk out of your hair."

"That would be great." She sniffed. "My neck is killing me." She sighed. "I guess that it's going to be major hassle, isn't it?"

"Probably." Yue shrugged. "Although if we can get some peanut oil, it should come out pretty quickly. We might have some left in our room from the last time Haruna ordered that stuff..." The two girls wandered back to the dorm.

"So..uh..." Nodoka scratched her head. "Thanks for bailing them out there..."

"No problem." Kaede grinned. "I've always wanted to do that."

"Do what? Have a Pokemon battle?"

"Of course." Kaede nodded.

"I never would have thought that you were a fan of Pokemon..."

"I get that a lot." Kaede continued to grin. "People see the Pokemon stuff in my room and think it belongs to the Narutakis."

"Really?"

"Of course. I have quite a collection. Would you like to see it?"

"Sure." Nodoka shrugged. Everyone else seemed to be occupied, and she was probably better off talking to Kaede than helping Yue peel hair gel off of Anya's head... "That would be nice."

The two girls ventured off towards the dorm, keeping a safe distance from Anya's angry ranting, lest they got dragged into helping. At last, the clearing was quiet once again.

* * *

Several hours later, Kotaro finally opened his eyes. The last thing he remembered was not having the time to put a shield up before Haruna landed on top of him. "Last time I ever help her with anything..." He groaned. "Ow, what the heck am I sitting on?" As he sat up, he realized that the other five pokeballs Haruna had summoned hadn't yet dissipated. Apparently she hadn't bothered to dismiss them. "Hmmm..." It was a bad idea, but he couldn't resist. "I wonder what else is in these things..."

* * *

.

* * *

Oh man, writing this chapter was like pulling teeth. I'm still not really satisfied with it, but I really don't have the time to go back and fix everything. Stupid midterms. I think the basic idea was good, but there were too many people I had to work into the plot. I like the idea of Kaede being a secret Pokemon fan, but I really didn't get to milk it as much as I wanted. It's like every time I have a flying motorcycle in the chapter, my writing ability is sucked away. Oh well. I'll probably just starting going back to a "Haruna makes a clone of someone" type story next time around.

I liked writing the dialogue between Anya and Kotaro, oddly enough. They bounce off of each other well and it was fun to make them really antagonistic. They don't really interact all that much in canon, so I thought it would be fun to throw them together and watch the sparks for a little bit. I might reuse that dynamic in one of my other stories.

Anyway, the buttons on Haruna's motorcycle are labeled in intentionally bad English, because why not, and the transforming label is a shout out to Viewtiful Joe, which is an awesome game. The spell that Anya attacks the Charizard with is technically used in canon by Mei and Chao, but I figured that Anya would probably know it, being a fire specialist and everything.

Anyway, even though I think the chapter is kinda subpar, reviews are still appreciated so I'll be able to make it better next time.

Thanks for reading.

Also, TvTropes now has a page for Artifact Abuse, so if you're at all familiar with TvTropes, it would be awesome if you added some tropes to the page.


	17. Going on a Bender

**Chapter 16: Going on a Bender  
**

"It's here! It's here! It's finally here!" Haruna burst into the room. Yue took one look at the size of the smile on Haruna face and immediately rolled her eyes. It was going to be one of _those_ days.

"What's here?" Nodoka braced herself for the answer.

"Uh, just a little something I ordered online."

"I swear, if you ordered another World War II era warhead, I'm going to request a new roommate." The chair squeaked as Yue pushed herself back from the desk. What she really wanted was to be as far as possible from Haruna when she received whatever the heck it was that she had ordered.

"Don't worry, it's nothing explosive. I learned my lesson." She pushed her glasses up her nose with a finger. "Besides, I've been officially forbidden from ordering any sort of military ordinance."

"So it's some sort of sex toy, then?"

"Nah, last time I tried to order one of those they refused to deliver it here. It'll have to wait until I get my P.O. Box set up. Be right back. Got to sign to for my delivery." She vanished down the hallway.

"Yue, does toxic waste count as a 'military ordinance'?"

The forehead girl spun around to stare at Nodoka, whom was peering out the window at the large truck parked outside the front of the dorm.

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"I think that might have been what Haruna ordered..."

"You have got to be kidding me..." Yue sighed as she put her head next to Nodoka's. Sure enough, on the road that lead past the front of the dorm, a large delivery truck was idling. On the sidewalk was a handcart upon which rested a rather ominous-looking 55-gallon drum, painted in a green color that had at one point in time been a bright neon but was so faded that it was almost gray. Next to that, Haruna was scribbling her name on a clipboard held by a delivery man.

"Should we report her to campus security now, or wait until she actually does something?" Nodoka stroked her chin nervously as she watch Haruna excitedly wringing her hands.

"Let's hold off on that until we find out what's in that barrel." Yue eyed Haruna with suspicion as she examined her purchase. "Maybe, against all probability, it's nothing dangerous."

* * *

"This thing cost _how_ much?" Yue kicked at the barrel, listening to the muffled sloshing within.

"About 32,000 yen." Haruna patted the container proudly. "Shipping was free. I got a heck of a deal!"

"So...um...what exactly is in there?" Nodoka had examined the barrel thoroughly, and there was no indication whatsoever what could possibly be inside.

"Water!" There was an inexplicable note of pride in Haruna's voice.

"Water!-?" Yue grabbed Haruna's shoulders and gave her a hard shake. "You spent 32,000 yen on a barrel of _water_?"

"Give me a minute to explain!" Haruna answered as she tried to free herself from Yue's grip. "It's not like it's just plain old regular water! It's magic water."

"Magic water?" Nodoka tilted her head.

"Seriously?" Yue thrust a finger at the water drum. "Magic water?"

"Yeah. It's from China!"

"You have got to be kidding..." She put a hand to her enormous forehead.

"What's magic about it?" Nodoka gingerly attempted to open the lid, but it was so rusty that she gave up the attempt as soon as she touched it. "Does it contain magical energy or something?"

"Kinda, but not quite." Haruna grinned as she produced a crow bar from her artifact and jammed it under the lid. "Let me just open this up here..." She grunted as she leaned all of her weight on the bar. After a moment of exertion, the lid popped off, revealing the contents of the barrel. "See, it looks like regular water, right?"

"That's because it probably is..." Yue rolled her eyes.

"Oh be quiet." Haruna scoffed. "Just wait until you see it in action."

"Well, what is it supposed to do?" Nodoka peered over the edge of the barrel. The water didn't really look like anything but plain old regular water. Even so, she wasn't about to touch the stuff. She took a step back. If anything, the mere fact that it was something Haruna had purchased over the Internet was more than enough to convince her to keep her distance. It was probably radioactive or something.

"Well, if my sources are correct, anyone who is fully submerged in it will-"

Haruna's explanation was promptly cut off by the sound of an enormous splash as a large, person-shaped object dropped out of the sky, landing squarely in the open barrel.

"EEAAHHH!" Yue stared at her feet, which were now soaking wet. "I got some on me!" She grabbed Haruna's shoulders once again, shaking her even harder than before. "Look what you did! Who knows what this stuff is going to do to me!"

"Relax!" Haruna wriggled out of Yue's grip. "Like I said, the effects of the water only take effect if you're totally submerged in it."

"Like that...?" Nodoka pointed at the barrel. A small stream of bubbles was emerging at the surface.

"Oh crap." Haruna sighed. "I had plans for that, too."

"I'm a little more concerned about what's in there..." Yue's shoes squished as she took a step forward. She then immediately jumped back as a figure erupted from the water. The voice was familiar, but it was somehow _off._ Exactly whose voice it was, and exactly what was wrong, she couldn't quite tell. Likewise, she recognized the face of the person in the barrel, but it just didn't look the way it was supposed to...

"Kotaro!" Nodoka rushed forward. "Are you all right!-? Where did you come from!-?"

"I'm fine! I'm fine!" Kotaro sputtered. "Me and Negi were doing some sparring on the roof, and he overdid it a little."

"W…what happened to your hair?" Nodoka furrowed her eyebrows.

"What about my..." Kotaro's eyes widened. The hair in question was now almost twice as long as it usually was. "What the hell?" There was another splash as Kotaro began to clamor out of the barrel. "Wait..." Kotaro's eyes widened even more before they darted downward.

"Don't look!" Yue clamped her hands over Nodoka's eyes as Kotaro seized the waistband of his pants and pulled them away from his body. His eyes expanded one final time; practically popping out of his head, which was growing paler by the millisecond.

"W-w-w-where is...how...?"

Something clicked in Yue's mind. The boy's voice was higher, his hair was longer, and his face was a bit less harsh than normal. There was no doubt in Yue's mind. The boy was no longer a boy.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!-?" Kotaro screamed. He (or she, if Yue's intuition was correct) certainly resembled a girl on the verge of hysteria.

"As I was explaining to them before you dropped in..." Haruna leaned nonchalantly on the edge of the barrel, "...this water has certain magical properties. It just so happens that any boy who is submerged in it turns into a girl."

"Why on earth would you order something like that?" Yue asked, massaging her temples in an attempt to ward off the inevitable headache.

"Well, you know that doujin I was writing where Negi gets turned into a girl? I was having trouble getting the design right, and I wanted something to use as a reference…?"

"You got this so that you turn Negi into a girl!-?"

"Yue, you really shouldn't be so surprised." Nodoka placed a hand on her friend's shoulder. "I mean, it isn't like she hasn't tried this kind of thing before-"

"I don't care about why it's here!" Kotaro interrupted. "Turn me back! Now."

Nodoka bit her lip to keep from grinning. Despite the fact that she knew she should be angry at Haruna, she couldn't help but find Kotaro's predicament amusing. But still, they would need a way to fix this before Kotaro freaked out even more.

"Um, Kotaro, just be quiet for a moment." She patted the newly created girl on the head. "Let's get you out of here before somebody realizes what happened."

"Oh crap!" Kotaro put her hands to her head. "If Negi sees me like this – you need to get me out of here!"

* * *

"Are you dried out yet?" Yue handed Kotaro another towel.

"Yeah, pretty much," she mumbled as she rubbed her head with the towel. "I'm just not used to having this much hair."

"Tell me about it." Yue ran her fingers through one of her massive ponytails. "You wouldn't believe how long it takes my hair to dry out."

"I don't know how you do it. Being a guy is so much easier..."

"Do the clothes fit alright?" Nodoka stuck her head out of the closet.

"Yeah, it's fine." Kotaro sniffed. She wasn't sure what was worse; that Nodoka's clothes actually fit, or that the clothes she had picked out included a skirt.

"Um, Kotaro, you shouldn't sit cross-legged while wearing a skirt..."

"Eh, what do I care? I don't have anything down there anyway." She folded her arms. "No thanks to Haruna." With a flourish, Kotaro tossed the final towel over her shoulder. Nodoka snatched it out of the air and added it to the pile of wet clothes that she was stuffing into the laundry. "Anyway, now that I'm dry, you can tell me how I can turn back into a-"

Kotaro's words were cut off by Haruna dumping a large pot of water over her head.

"What the hell are you doing!-? I just got dried off!"

"Uh...eugh...bluh...bluh..." Yue's eyes bugged out of her head as she pointed a shaky finger in Kotaro's direction. "Y-y-y-your..."

"Huh?" Kotaro looked down and flipped up the top edge of the skirt. "Awesome! I'm a boy again!"

"Put your skirt down! You're scaring Yue with that thing!"

"Huh?" He looked down for a moment before yanking the skirt back into position. He turned his rapidly reddening face towards Nodoka, whom was mercifully unaware of what had just happened. "Can I have my clothes back? These panties are kinda riding up now..."

"Uh...sure...as soon as they're dry."

"I didn't realize that fixing the problem would be quite so simple..." Yue mumbled. "Usually when something like this happens, fixing it is a lot more of a hassle."

"Yeah, about that..." Haruna scratched nervously at the back of her head. "We haven't _quite _fixed the problem yet..."

"What do you mean?" Kotaro narrowed his eyes.

"Well, the way that the water works... Maybe I should just show you..."

"What are you talking abolgbglglgg!" The dog boy's words turned into frantic bubbling as Haruna dumped a pitcher of water over his head. "What did you do that for!-?"

"See? Now take a look." She grabbed the front of Kotaro's skirt and whipped it up.

"Hey, wait! I-" He froze. Once again, he was a she. "What the hell? Was that more magic water or something!-?"

"Nope." Haruna tossed the empty pitcher into the sink with a loud crash. "Regular water. What the magic water did was put a curse on you."

"That water was cursed?" Nodoka looked up for a moment as she pressed another towel into the damp patch in the carpet that now surrounded Kotaro.

"Relax, it's not like he's going to die or anything. He'll turn into a girl every time he gets splashed with cold water, but that's it."

"WHAT?" Kotaro screeched as she leaped to her feet.

"Relax for a minute!" Haruna giggled nervously as she backed away. "Warm water will turn you back into a boy, so it's not that big of a deal."

"What do you mean, not that big of a deal! I don't want to lose my manhood every time it rains!"

"Well, technically there's no known way of getting rid of the curse..."

"WHAT?" She lunged at Haruna, whom merely rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers. From out of nowhere, a giant tree trunk appeared in a puff of smoke. There was a crunch as Kotaro found herself wrapped around it.

"However..." Haruna smirked as she held up her artifact. With a second snap of the fingers, the tree vanished and Kotaro found herself sprawled on the floor. "...There _is_ a way that we can completely counteract its effects. You see, there are quite a number of places that this cursed water comes from. All we need to do is find the one that curses you to turn into a boy. It will overwrite the current curse, and because you're already a boy...well, normally already a boy, getting wet won't have any effect anymore."

"Okay, then let's do that."

"Yeah, there's only one little problem..."

"And what would that be...?" Kotaro's eyes narrowed.

"I'd have to make another special order, and I don't exactly have the cash for that at the moment. However, I know how we can get some."

Yue sighed as she noted the devilish gleam in Haruna's eye.

"I don't even want to know, do I?"

* * *

Kotaro crept along slowly. Owing to a hot shower, he was once again male. Hopefully he would be able to stay that way until Haruna got this predicament fixed. He wasn't quite sure that this was the best way of going about getting the money, but he didn't really have many other options at the moment.

"Are you absolutely sure that Evangeline isn't going to find us in here?" he whispered. "She'll make my life a living hell if she finds out about this."

"Shhh." Haruna pressed a finger to her lips as she peeked around the corner. "Okay, it's clear." She turned back to the dog boy that was following behind her. "Relax. Everything is planned out. Evangeline is at her weekly Go game with the headmaster, and those usually last for a couple of hours. Given the time dilation inside this resort, we should have like three days to find what we're looking for. Besides, Nodoka and Yue are up at the top of the resort. Nodoka has her artifact out, so if Eva _does_ come back early, we'll be able to track her location."

"How, exactly?"

"I used my artifact to create a communications system." She tapped the Bluetooth-looking doodad that was hooked on her ear. "If Nodoka or Yue see anything suspicious, they can tell me." She stopped in front of one of the doors. "Okay, this is it." The door creaked as she gave it a gentle push. "Looks empty." She shoved the door open.

"What is this place?" Kotaro blinked as Haruna flipped the light on. The entire room was lined with shelves, which were themselves lined with all sorts of bottles. The bottles were filled with what appeared to be all sorts of liquids and pills.

"This is Eva's private apothecary. She keeps all of her magic pills and potions in here."

"So you're looking for a potion that can break the curse?"

"Nah." Haruna shrugged as she ran her finger along one of the shelves, examining the labels. "I mean, there might be something in here that could do that, but I don't know what it looks like. Anything strong enough to fix your problem would be custom made, and Eva would be able to tell that someone took them."

"If you can't get anything here that can break the curse, why did you drag me down here!-?"

"Like I said, we order a barrel of water cursed to turn you into a boy and it'll counteract the girl curse. But that's expensive, and even low-end magic pills will get a pretty good price on Mahonet."

"You mean we're robbing the girl who is possibly the most powerful mage on Earth, who is feared by nearly the entire magical world, so you can steal some pills and sell them on the black market!-?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"You're crazy."

"You got that right." Yue's voice crackled out of Haruna's earpiece. "I'm sure that you could have gotten someone to loan you the money..."

"I already have a giant tab at Chao Bao Zi that I need to pay off. I needed the cash anyway so I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone. Besides, we wouldn't have had to do this if you would have just let me go with Plan A."

"I told you, there's no way in hell I'm posing for pictures while I'm turned into a girl! I've still got my pride, you know."

"I can't say I blame you." Yue's voice once again came through the earpiece. "Besides, I think the sale of the kind of pictures that Haruna intended on taking is illegal.

"You people are such party poopers," Haruna grumbled as she continued surveying the cabinets. "Ah, here we go." Sitting at the corner of the room was a massive glass jar, filled to the brim with gumball-sized pink capsules.

"Make sure you get the right ones this time!"

"I know, Yue, I know." Haruna rolled her eyes. "It's not my fault that Eva sucks at labeling things."

"You've done this before?" Kotaro asked. "What happened?"

"I grabbed those by mistake." Haruna pointed at a small jar of white tablets with black blotches on them. "They technically did what they were supposed to, but they had some...side effects. I'd love to explain it to you, but Yue probably wouldn't-"

"Please, let's not talk about that again," Yue interrupted. "Especially not with a child present."

"I didn't think it was all that bad..." This time it was Nodoka's voice that came through the earpiece, in a low whisper. "Actually...Haruna...if you don't mind...could you bring a few of them up...?"

"Sure thing."

"Okay, so we'll just grab some of these..." Haruna scooped a handful of pink pills from the jar and poured them into a large plastic bottle. "And a few of these for Nodoka..." She grinned as she put half a dozen black and white tablets into a small Ziploc bag. "Shoulda figured that she'd want more of these..."

Kotaro opened his mouth to ask what on earth the tablets did, but he resisted the impulse. It was probably something he didn't want to know. And there were more pressing matters at hand anyway.

"Maybe I should grab a few other things while we're down here..." Haruna mumbled to herself as she examined a pointy, multicolored jawbreaker-like object. "This thing has got to be valuable. I mean, it's on a pedestal and everything..."

"Forget it." Kotaro grabbed her arm and hauled her out of the room. "We got what we came for. Now let's get out of here."

"All right, we're on our way back. SHHH!" Haruna flattened herself out against the wall. "Somebody's coming."

"That's strange..." Nodoka's voice again. "Nothing is showing up in my artifact."

"Let me check..." Haruna snapped her fingers and a long, bendy tube materialized from her artifact. Holding one end around the corner, she squinted into the tube. "Crap. One of Eva's maid robots. She must leave them running while she's gone. And it's coming this way. Let's get out of here."

Haruna and Kotaro rapidly backed along the hallway. They stopped with a "thunk" as they backed into a wall.

"Dammit! A dead end." Kotaro tried to keep his voice to a whisper.

"Don't worry, there's a door," Haruna whispered back. "We can hide in here until the robot leaves." She scurried through the doorway, hauling Kotaro behind her.

"Oh crap." Kotaro stopped in his tracks as he realized what room he had just ducked into. "Of all the rooms..."

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

Kotaro sighed as he pointed a finger over Haruna's shoulder.

"Oh." Haruna chuckled. "Of course. We _would_ end up in Eva's personal bathhouse."

"What are you talking about!-?"

"Oh come on..." Haruna raised an incredulous eyebrow. "Haven't you ever read a book before? You have a curse that activates when you get wet. You're going to attract water like a magnet."

"Hmph. Just because it happens like that in books doesn't mean it happens that way in-"

"INTO THE BATH!"

Half a second later, Kotaro found himself (or herself, to be more accurate) waist deep in Evangeline's private bath.

"Why the hell did you do-"

"SHHH!" Haruna clamped her fingers around Kotaro's head and shoved the girl down into the water. "It's coming in!" She crouched down so that just the top of her head protruded from the water.

The two girls watched silently from the bath as the robot maid entered the room holding a massive stack of towels. It looked not unlike Chachamaru; the only visible difference was the hair, which was black and half as long. Haruna held her breath as she watched the robot add the towels to a pile in the corner of the room. Getting caught by Evangeline was not an option. Well, it technically was, but that was an absolute worst case scenario. Pretty much any alternate result would have been preferable. Especially after what had happened last time Eva had caught her poking around the pills...

"Is it gone?" Kotaro's voice sounded much more nervous than she would have liked. Stupid female vocal cords.

"Looks like it." Haruna could hear the robot's footsteps fading down the hallway. "Let's get into some dry clothes and get out of here before another one shows up."

"You brought a change of clothes?" Kotaro furrowed her eyebrows as she clamored out of the bath.

"Yup." Haruna reached into her backpack and withdrew two large, plastic bags. "For both of us. Like I said, I figured you were going to wet at some point. Brought some for myself just in case I got caught in the crossfire."

"Thanks, I guess." Kotaro mumbled. "I guess you-" Her eye began to twitch as she noted the contents of the bag. "You packed me a skirt!-?"

"Well, yeah." Haruna shrugged. "I figured that if you were going to get wet, it meant that you'd be a girl anyway, and we don't really have time to change you back."

"What the hell is this!-?"

Haruna stifled a giggle as Kotaro withdrew a pair of ostentatious pink panties from the bag.

"Why are they so frilly!-?" Her hands began to shake as she fought the urge to shred the offending article of clothing.

"I don't know, I just grabbed a pair at random."

"You did not!"

Haruna flinched as she yanked the earpiece off of her head. Even without it in her ear, Yue's voice was totally distinct.

"I saw you rummaging through Nodoka's underwear drawer! You deliberately picked out the poofiest panties that she has!"

"Haruna!" Now Nodoka's voice came through, bearing a surprising amount of agitation. "You took panties from my special occasions drawer!-?"

"I'll buy you a new pair, okay?" Haruna grumbled as she fitted the headset back onto her ear. "Give a couple of seconds to get dressed and we'll be up in a few minutes." She turned back to Kotaro, whom was glaring with disdain at her new outfit.

"Do I really have to wear this?" She turned back to Haruna. "I don't mind being we-EYAH!" She clamped her hands over her eyes upon realizing that Haruna was already halfway to being naked. "Put some clothes on!"

"What are you so worked up about?" Haruna chuckled. "We're both girls, right? Not like I got anything to be ashamed of anyway."

"Yeah, but I'm not supposed to be a girl!" Kotaro focused her eyes on the wall. "You can't just go and undress like that!"

"Fine, go and change behind that pillar or something."

"Will do." Kotaro skittered around the corner.

"You sure you don't want to take a look? I don't mind."

* * *

"Shut up."

"So according to you, we have enough time to change clothes, but not enough time to get some warm water?"

"Oh hush." Haruna looked back over her shoulder at the dejected dog girl that was shuffling along behind her. "At least you look cute in that ensemble. I knew that that skirt would look good on you."

"I don't give a crap about looking cute!"

"Don't make such a big deal out of it. Look on the bright side."

"What bright side?"

"Well, this way, if we run into somebody from class, they won't recognize you."

"Right..."

"We're back!" Haruna raised a triumphant fist in the air as she emerged from the depths of Eva's tower into the brightness of the artificial sun.

"Where did the other girls go?" Kotaro squinted into the light, trying to locate Yue and Nodoka.

"They already left. Keeping tabs on Eva's cottage to make sure that we don't get busted on our way out. Now come on. The sooner we get the listing for these-" she held up the bottle of pills and gave it a shake, "-up online, the sooner we can get your bottle of man-water on its way here."

* * *

"I can't believe we actually got away with this," Yue mumbled as she ascended the stairs out of Eva's basement. "I was sure that you'd get hit with some sort of karmic retribution."

"Don't say that, Yue!" Nodoka whispered harshly. "You know that as soon as you say that we're going to run into Eva and get caught!"

"You do realize that the world doesn't actually run according to the laws of fiction, right?" Yue grumbled.

"Hey, I was right about Kotaro getting doused while we were in there, wasn't I?" Haruna paused as she reached the top of the stairs. "I bet we're going to run into somebody as soon as I open this door."

"Are you serious?" Kotaro shoved her way past Haruna. "You just got lucky before. There's nobody up here!"

"Kotaro, no!" Haruna tried to grab Kotaro's arm, but it was too late. The dog girl was already out.

"See, there's nobody up here!"

"Huh?" Haruna poked her head out of the stairwell.

"Told you." Yue shoved her way past her bespectacled friend. "Nobody here."

"Yue, we should still be careful." Nodoka emerged slowly, clutching her artifact against her chest. "One of the robot maids might be up here."

"I don't see anyone." Yue observed. "All of them must be in the resort at the moment."

"Huh...I guess we got lucky." Haruna scratched her head as her eyes wandered bemusedly around the apartment, looking for some indication of an imminent disaster.

"Yeah, we did." Kotaro rolled her eyes as she walked to the front door. "Let's get out of here before you turn out to be right." She gave the knob a twist and threw the door open. "Wh-!"

Kotaro's eyes widened as she found herself face to face with Negi.

"Oh, hello." Negi smiled politely. "I didn't realize that Evangeline-san had company."

"Oh, what are you doing here, Negi?" Haruna dragged Kotaro away from the door. "We just came by to pick up a book that Chachamaru had borrowed from Nodoka."

"I was just dropping by to drop off Master's homework." Negi held up a stack of papers. "She's been slacking off a little on her attendance..."

"Well, of course!" Haruna chuckled loudly, attempting to sound normal, but ending up closer to the psychotic end of the spectrum. "Well anyway we should probably be going now okay bye!"

"Wait a moment." Haruna groaned as Negi walked past her into the house. "Who's this girl? I've never seen her before."

"Oh, she's...uh..."

"Torako!" Nodoka stepped in front of Kotaro. She hated to lie to Negi, but even she could tell that no good would come of explaining exactly what was going on. "She got off at the wrong train stop so we were just going to take her back to the station."

"Yes, we should probably get going." Yue nodded enthusiastically. "Wouldn't want her to miss her train."

"Oh, all right. It's nice to meet you, Torako-san." Negi bowed politely.

"Uh, nice to meet you too." Kotaro bowed awkwardly, making every effort she could to avoid eye contact. "I really need to get going. Nice talking to you." With a halfhearted wave, she rushed past Negi and out of the cottage.

Kotaro took a deep breath as she ducked behind a nearby tree. There was an inexplicable lump in her throat, and her face felt like it was burning. And her heart was beating a heck of a lot faster than a brisk walk should cause...

"Don't worry, that reaction is completely normal."

Kotaro jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Haruna standing beside her. Behind Haruna, Nodoka held a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle a giggle, while Yue simply rolled her eyes.

"What's normal?" Kotaro growled.

"That reaction to Negi." She leaned in. "And don't try to deny it. You were blushing so hard that you could power a solar panel. But hey, every girl he's ever met does that. I think he has special pheromones or something."

"But I'm not supposed to be a girl!"

"Eh, that doesn't matter. Chachamaru is a _robot_ and he still got to her." Haruna sniffed. "He even managed to get _Setsuna, _and she's not even into boys. You never stood a chance. I'm telling you; he has pheromones that react with estrogen to produce a-"

"Haruna, we can talk about your pseudo-biological theories later." Yue gave Haruna a shove. "At the moment, our greatest priority is getting the money so we can fix Kotaro."

"Fix!-? What do you mean, 'fix'?" Kotaro growled.

"Fine, fine..." Haruna sighed as she watched her roommates follow Kotaro as she stomped back towards the dorm. "I never get to have any fun..."

* * *

"Okay, the listing is up." Haruna grunted as she swung her chair around to face Kotaro, whom was back to being male. "As soon as we get the cash, I'll put in a rush order for another barrel of water."

"Good." Kotaro folded his arms. "I don't want to put up with this crap any more than I have to."

"Believe me, neither do we..." Yue mumbled as she collected the girl-clothes that Kotaro had been wearing.

"Yeah, we want to solve this as fast as we can..." Nodoka tried to smile as she gingerly withdrew a pair of bright pink panties from the tangle of clothing. She examined the underwear, sighed, and dropped them into the trash bin. "It's not really fun for any of us."

"It's fun for me..." Haruna mumbled to herself.

Yue merely put one hand to her forehead before slapping Haruna upside the head with the other.

* * *

"Well, the water is on its way." Haruna's back cracked loudly as she stretched in her chair.

"That was surprisingly fast." Yue looked up from her copy of _The Republic_.

"Well, these kinds of magical goods aren't exactly cheap. Normally I'd charge more, but we're in a rush, so I couldn't charge too much."

"How much did you get for them?"

"70,000 yen. That's like twice what we'll need. Apparently _Knickerstoat69 _really needed those pills. I already ordered a barrel of water to fix Kotaro's curse."

"When is it going to get here?" Kotaro asked. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"I had it overnighted. Cost me a little extra, but it should be here tomorrow afternoon."

"Wow." Nodoka put a hand on Haruna's shoulder. "That's very nice of you, Haruna."

"What's nice of me?" Haruna raised an eyebrow.

"Paying the extra money to get it here faster."

"Uh, yeah..." Haruna looked away as she ran her fingers through her hair. "I actually did it because I know he's going to be following me around until I fix him up."

"Even so, I'd thought that you wouldn't mind taking a little longer..." She leaned in. "You know, have some fun with him?"

"I'd considered that," Haruna whispered back, "but I'm not sure it would be worth it. If he gets turned into a girl again, he's probably going to freak out, and I'll get in trouble."

"I doubt that." Yue leaned in. "He's not the type to go reporting to the authorities."

"I'm not too worried about _that._ I'm worried about the fact that he hangs out with Negi a lot and he'll eventually mention something suspicious. After that incident with the Charizard I'll get put on probation if Negi finds out that I've been up to something."

"Well, whatever the reason, I'm glad that this will be over with soon," Yue added, massaging her forehead with her thumb and forefinger.

* * *

Kotaro cautiously poked his head out of the doorway of the Mahora Academy Boys Elementary School. He had been rather skeptical of Haruna's claim that he would now attract water, but the events of that morning had made him a believer. If not for reflexes honed by months of training, he would have almost certainly been girlified by now. First that klutz in homeroom spilled that vase, then the burst pipe in the bathroom, then the sprinkler system in the chem. lab went off after another klutz mixed the wrong test tubes, then in Physical Education it was announced that they were starting the swimming section of the semester... All in all, it was nothing short of miraculous that he was still male.

All he had to do now was stay that way. Five minutes ago, his cell phone had beeped. It had gotten him in trouble with the teacher, naturally, but the message he had gotten was totally worth it.

"IT'S HERE"

Of course, there was nearly an entire campus between him and the remedy, but he'd made it fine so far. He finally allowed himself to smile as he strode down the path towards the Middle School dorms. It was a bit of a trek, but it beat waiting in line for the train. Everything was turning out fine. He stopped as the brightness of the sun vanished.

"What the heck?"

He looked to the sky to find his worst fears confirmed.

"Are you kidding me!-? It was totally clear like a minute ago!" He shook his fist at the enormous bank of dark clouds that had seemingly materialized out of the air. "Go away!"

The clouds responded with a thunderclap and a sudden downpour.

"Oh, crap."

Kotaro hung her head. She really should have expected something like this. It was inevitable. Now she just had to get back to the dorm without running into anyone she knew...

"Hello." Kotaro looked up to see Negi approaching down the path, holding an umbrella. "Oh, you're that girl from yesterday! Torako, right?"

"Right..." Kotaro muttered through clenched teeth. A second later, Negi was standing right next to her, shielding her from the rain with the umbrella.

"Where were you headed?"

"Uh..." Kotaro pointed a finger at the nearest building. The sooner she could get away from Negi the better. If he caught on... "Over there."

"The admissions office?"

"Um...yes...I have to...drop off some stuff..."

"Okay, let's go then, shall we?"

"Wait. We?"

"Well, I don't want you to get any more wet than you already are." Negi smiled. "I'm not in any rush."

"Oh..." Kotaro scratched her head, trying to avoid making eye contact. "I think I'll be fine."

"Don't worry about it!" Before she knew what had happened, Negi had taken hold of her arm and the two of them were striding along the path. Kotaro took a deep breath. Her heart was beating a lot faster than it should have, given the pace they were walking. Maybe Haruna had been right about the pheromones...

"Are you all right?" Negi leaned in closer. "You look a bit red..."

"I'm fine!" Kotaro bent back, trying to keep as far away from Negi as possible. Unfortunately, it wasn't far enough to prevent Negi from putting a hand on her forehead.

"You feel a bit warm. Are you sure you're feeling okay? Getting caught in the rain probably didn't help much."

"No! I'm totally all right! Completely fine! Oh look, we're here! I really should be going!" Kotaro spun around and rushed towards the building, hoping that Negi wouldn't follow him.

"Oh okay, see you later!"

Kotaro let out a sigh of relief as she watched Negi wave goodbye. Now if only her heart would start beating at its normal rate...

"Haruna is going to pay for this..."

* * *

"Okay, where is it!-?" Kotaro dumped her sopping wet backpack in the doorway to Haruna's room. Naturally, the sudden shower had vanished the moment she entered the dorm. Nodoka sighed as she looked at the massive puddle that Kotaro was dripping all over the floor.

"Haruna and Yue have it out back where the first barrel came in-"

Before she finished talking, Kotaro had already vanished down the hallway.

Nodoka sighed as she tossed a towel on top of the mess and followed the dog girl outside.

* * *

"Do I even want to know what Haruna is up to this time?" Asuna regarded the large barrel with trepidation.

"It's a long story," Yue responded. "To summarize, Haruna accidentally got Kotaro cursed so that he turns into a girl whenever he gets wet, and this barrel of water should break the curse."

"Really..." Asuna tried to hide her smirk as she saw Kotaro dashing towards them. "I kinda wish I had seen that..."

"All right, let's do this!" Kotaro shoved her way between the other girls and snatched the crowbar out of Haruna's hands. The barrel made a loud pop as the lid flew off.

"Bet you a thousand yen he spills the barrel..." Haruna whispered to Yue. "And I'm not paying for another one."

"What are you guys whispering about?" Kotaro glared at them over her shoulder.

"Hrnk." Asuna stifled a snort as she heard Kotaro's girl voice.

Kotaro's eye began to twitch as he stared at the redhead.

"She knows, doesn't she?"

"Yeah." Haruna nodded, trying unsuccessfully to hide her grin.

"He really _is _a girl." Asuna began to chuckle. "That's priceless!"

"Shut up." Kotaro growled. "I am not going to be a girl for one more second."

With a loud splash, she leaped into the barrel, and emerged in a second splash.

"Did it work!-?"

"Oh crap..." Haruna groaned. Kotaro's voice was still obviously female. And that wasn't the only problem.

"Um...I think there's something wrong with your ears..." Nodoka pointed nervously at Kotaro's head. Protruding from it were two animal ears. And they were different from Kotaro's usual dog ears. These stuck out a bit more.

"Dammit, Haruna!" Kotaro screeched as she climbed out of the barrel. "I thought you said this would fix my..." She froze as she registered Nodoka's comment about the ears. Her hands shook as she began to feel her new attributes. "What the..."

"Also..." Nodoka moved her pointer finger a bit, "...there's something wrong with your tail..."

Kotaro slowly turned her head. There was indeed something wrong with the tail. Rather than being wide and shaggy, it was long, skinny, and not quite moving correctly...

"YOU TURNED ME INTO A CATGIRL!-?"

"Sorry. They must have sent me the wrong barrel-"

"Do you have any idea how horrible this is!-? I'm an Inugami! I'm a disgrace to the tribe like this!"

"I don't know, I think I like you more this way..." Asuna giggled.

"Really? Well, let's see how you like it!" Kotaro shouted as she charged towards Asuna. Half a second later, the redhead was slung over Kotaro's shoulder, being carried kicking and screaming towards the barrel.

"I don't want to be a catgirl!"

"Neither do I!" Kotaro growled. "Now get into the barrel!"

"No!" Asuan flailed her arms wildly. Granted, growing ears and a tail wouldn't be the worst thing that had happened to her, but she really didn't want to deal with it at the moment. "Adeat!"

There was a flash, and Asuna's massive sword materialized in her hand.

Kotaro's eyes barely had a chance to widen.

"Hey, wai-"

**KLONG**

Asuna flopped to the ground as Kotaro crumpled in a heap.

"Was that really necessary, Asuna?" Yue shook her head. "Assaulting a young girl?"

"Well, too bad." Asuna grumbled as she dismissed the sword. "I'd rather not have a tail, thank you very much."

"Ow..." Kotaro grunted. "That _hurt_, dammit. Why did you...wait a minute..."

"The cat ears are gone..." There was a hint of disappointment in Haruna's voice. "So is the tail..."

"Let me just check something..." Kotaro stuffed a hand down the front of his pants. "YES! I'm a guy again!"

"Why didn't we think of that earlier?" Haruna mused.

"Think of what?" Kotaro glared at her.

"Asuna's magic cancel. She could have just bopped you on the head and erased the curse that way."

"So instead of that..." Kotaro's eye began to twitch, "…you left me cursed for two days, dragged me into Evangeline's fortress to steal magic pills to sell on the black market so that you could order the wrong barrel?"

"...Yeah..." Haruna stared at her foot for a moment. "Well, I have stuff to do. See you later!"

"Get back here!" Kotaro bounded after her as she rushed back towards the dorm.

Yue, Nodoka, and Asuna watched as they disappeared into the building. Asuna shrugged as she turned back to the other two girls.

"So, what are you going to do with that?" She pointed at the barrel.

Yue just shrugged.

"I have no idea."

* * *

"Anything happen while I was out, Chachamaru?" Eva tossed her jacket over the back of a chair and sprawled on the couch. "I swear, Konoemon gets worse at Go every time I go over there..."

"One of your maid units detected intruders in the lower levels of your resort."

"You have surveillance video?"

"It's already loaded, mistress."

"Good. You're on top of things as usual." Eva punched one of the buttons on her remote, causing a screen to pop out from the wall. She chuckled as the video popped up on the screen. Despite the overly-grainy video quality, she could easily recognize Haruna and Kotaro. "I should have known that Saotome would be poking around again. She's even corrupting that dog boy now. Let's see, where do I think that they're heading..." She closed her eyes and put her fingers to her forehead in a mock psychic pose. "I'm gonna say they steal some pills."

She opened her eyes just in time to see Haruna and Kotaro sneaking into the apothecary.

"I performed inventory of the pills and it does indeed seem that some of your magical pills are missing," Chachamaru informed her. "Would you like for me to go to Saotome and recover the stolen property?"

"Nah." Eva waved the robot away. "I put a little extra _something_ in the pills just in case somebody ever stole them. They'll get hit with some nasty side effects. Serves 'em right. Out of curiosity, what did they take?"

"Let me see..." Chachamaru paused as she searched her internal databank for the report. "Several sudesnea were taken."

"Really? She took more of those?" Eva sat up. "I would have thought she'd have learned her lesson after the last time."

"Apparently not. A larger number of bularreko pills were taken-"

Chachamaru stopped as Eva let out a loud snort.

"Are you all right, mistress?"

"Oh, I'm just great!" Eva was grinning from ear to ear. "I just wish I could see what happens when she actually takes it."

"Should I even desire to know what additional ramifications you have added to the pills' primary effects?"

Eva smiled.

"Probably not."

* * *

"Anya-chan, your pills are here!" Chamo scurried across the floor of Anya's room, towing a small, rattling sack behind him. With a flourish, he whipped the bag open and withdrew a bottle full of pink pills.

"Awesome!" As she reached for the bottle, Chamo drew back and wagged a finger at the overanxious girl.

"Hey, hey, hey. You remember the terms of our agreement! You wanted me to get these for you, and I did. You gotta hold up your end of the bargain or these go to somebody else."

"Fine." She snatched her purse off of her desk and began counting out a stack of bills. "How much did you want again?"

"75,000 yen."

"That's like 600 pounds! That's like two months of fortune telling!"

"Hey, when I agreed to pick up the pills, you said that you'd give me 110% of whatever I paid for them. I'm actually giving you a discount." He folded his tiny arms. "If you aren't willing to pay, I heard that Ako has been saving up for a while; I'm sure she'd be willing to consider my offer..."

"Okay, okay, okay!" Anya tossed the ball of money at the ermine. "Give me the stupid pills."

"Uh-uh-uh!" Chamo waggled a finger at the redhead. "There was another part of the deal. You know what I'm talking about."

"Are you serious?" Anya's cheeks began to flush. "Do I really have to..."

"You want the pills?"

Anya wrinkled her nose for a moment before slowly reaching a hand up her skirt. Chamo rubbed his hands together in anticipation. The girl wriggled for a moment before her panties slid down her legs to rest at her ankles. She bent down to pick them up, and held them up between her thumb and forefinger.

"Stupid old pervert..."

"There we go!" Chamo snatched the panties out of her hands and tossed the bottle of pills in her direction. "Give them a try. I'm quite curious to see if they work as advertised!"

"I swear these had better work..." Anya mumbled as she plucked one of the pills out of the bottle.

"If they don't, I'll make sure that you get a refund, all right?"

"Okay, here goes..." She clamped her eyes shut, popped a pill into her mouth, and swallowed. A rush of magic flooded her body. She shivered as she opened her eyes. "Did it work?"

"Why don't you look and see for yourself?"

Anya took a deep breath before opening her eyes and looking down.

"Yes! It worked." She smiled widely as she pressed her hands to her chest, which had expanded from an A-cup to a C-cup. "I was kinda expecting them to be a little bigger, but it's still a really great improvement. I'll definitely get some attention with-"

Her entire body spasmed as another wave of magic rushed over it. She blinked a few times and shook her head.

"Whoa...what the heck was that...?" She looked into the mirror. Her chest was still at its new and improved size. But still, something wasn't quite right...

"Uh...Anya-chan..." She looked down to see Chamo nervously rubbing the back of his head. "There's something you might want to check..." He pointed at the base of her skirt.

"You pervert!" Anya grabbed the front edge of the skirt and pulled it down. "What the hell are you doing looking up there!-? And I don't even have panties on! I report you or...or...some...thing...something is wrong..." The blood drained out of her face as she craned her neck to look past her newly enhanced bustline. "Please don't be that...please don't be that..."

Chamo stuffed his fingers into his ears as he watched Anya lift the front of her skirt.

"**EEEYAAAAAHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE **_**FUCK **_**DID YOU DO**_**!-?**_"

"Oh great..." Chamo sighed. "I guess I'm going to have to get that refund..."

* * *

.

* * *

Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking either. If you haven't already guessed, this story is basically a shout out to the cursed springs from Ranma One-Half, which you should definitely check out. I got the idea for this one while proofreading a chapter for Watchtower14 (_Magister RanMagi_, a Negima/Ranma crossover which is hosted on this very site and you should go read it). He said that he didn't have any plans for any Negima characters to get cursed by the springs, so he graciously allowed me to co-opt the idea. And naturally this was the best place to fit it in without making it a straight crossover. I realize that Haruna isn't exactly abusing her artifact much, but the idea was too good to pass up.

I'm well aware that there are quite a few loose ends here (the most obvious of which is girl!Kotaro's reaction to Negi), and I'm planning to pick up those threads in a later chapter. This one was getting absurdly long (pushing 20 single spaced pages) as it was and the main conflict was already resolved, so it was a good place to cut it off. There's no way I'm letting the "Kotaro gets flustered by Negi" bit go by so quickly. I assure you that I plan to bring that up again.

Then there's the bit at the end. From the beginning, it was basically given that _someone _was getting screwed over at the end of the story. At first I was just going to go with the most obvious solution, which was to have Kotaro get the right barrel of water, turn back into a guy, and then spill the barrel on one of the girls. Then I decided that it would be funnier if he got nailed with second curse. There was also the fact that I decided that Haruna would get the cash by stealing and selling Eva's pills, at which point it became obvious that they had to backfire somehow. After that everything just kind of spiraled out of control. I _think _that in previous chapters I alluded to them having stolen pills from Eva (if not, it still works, so whatever), so it only made sense to make Eva aware of Haruna's shenanigans and develop countermeasures. And it was inevitable that Anya get caught in the crossfire.

Similarly, I thought it was funny to have Kotaro cured by accident at the end. I don't know why, but I find it hilarious when these characters go to outrageous lengths to achieve something only to realize that there was a much simpler solution right next to them the whole time.

Anyway, I hope this was enjoyable.

Thanks for reading, and please leave some sort of review.


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